Bert sat on the floor of Gerard's tour bus, staring at Mikey on the couch opposite him. Mikey had been frantically tapping on his Gameboy for nearly half an hour, and Gerard was off with Frank, meeting with some animal rights group that was planning a concert to raise money, raise awareness, save the world, or something retarded like that.

Bert was bored. He was tragically sober and needed some excitement. With a wicked smile on his face, he looked up at Mikey and said, "I fucked your brother."

Mikey's eyes didn't move from his game. "Yeah, he told me."

Bert watched him, waiting for more of a reaction, but none came. "I also rimmed him."

"He told me that too," Mikey said as he continued clicking the game controls.

Bert rolled his eyes. "You and Gerard talk about rimming?"

"We talk about everything."

Bert looked down and played with a wayward sock on the floor. "I bet he didn't tell you about in Detroit, when we –"

"Asphyxiation in the women's bathroom," Mikey finished, his voice flat.

Bert threw the sock at him.

Bert took his cell phone out of his pocket, deciding that Gerard and Frank had been saving the animals long enough, and it was time to rescue the endangered wild McCracken. But he'd forgotten that he'd dropped his phone in the toilet three days ago, and it wasn't working at all.

He groaned softly at looked up at Mikey. For someone related to a guy who Bert was, to be honest, stupid in love with, Mikey bothered him. There was something about how he stared at Bert so evenly and coldly, like he knew all his secrets.

Which, apparently, Gerard was telling him, so yeah.

Bert climbed onto the couch next to Mikey. "So you tell Gerard everything?"

"Yeah," Mikey said without looking up.

Bert leaned close to him. "Would you tell him if you did something wrong?" He exhaled on the curve of Mikey's jaw, then brushed his lips against the smooth skin. "Would you tell him if you kissed me?" Bert licked Mikey's cheek.

Mikey didn't react. "You expect me to kiss the same mouth that ate my brother's ass?"

Bert sighed and leaned back against the arm of the couch. Stupid Gerard's little brother made everything sound less sexy.

Mikey paused his game and made eye contact with Bert for the first time in half an hour. "There's beer in the fridge."

Bert let out a whoop, leaned forward, kissed Mikey square on the mouth, tumbled off the couch, and rushed into the kitchen area.