Bert loved jamming with the Street Drum Corps, and not just because they had face paint and a lot of weed. It was fun to be able to play piano, trumpet, and even drums. Quinn often told Bert he was talented because he could play so many instruments, but Bert would reply with, "No, I'm talented because I can play even when I'm really fucked up." The guys in the Corps always tried to drink him under the table, but Bert always won, and he could easily play a show after.

So when the Street Drum Corps asked him to fly out to play a festival with them, Bert agreed right away. He knew he'd have a great time. Plus My Chem was playing there too, and he could surprise Gerard. Bert spent the whole flight over thinking about the awesome surprise!sex he was going to have.

From the airport he took a cab to the show, where he dropped his backpack in the Street Drum Corps bus and then rushed over to the My Chem bus. He flung open the door, yelled, "surprise, motherfuckers!", and walked in on Gerard kissing his hairstylist.

"His hairstylist," Bert said into the phone, his voice breaking on every syllable. He sniffed and rubbed his nose. "He's fucking her and he was...we were..." He ducked his head down, feeling like he'd been punched in the stomach.

"Get on a plane," Quinn said. "I'll pick you up. Just come home."

"No," Bert said through his tears. "I promised the guys I'd play."

"Fuck them," Quinn said. "Bert, please, come home."

"Tomorrow," Bert said, and he hung up the phone.

That night he was so drunk he would never remember the show he played. In the morning Bobby from Street Drum Corps told him he was so talented, and then asked how Gerard was. Bert just ran to the bathroom and threw up.