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Blissed

QAF US, Post-S3, B/J. Inspired by a discussion here. Thank you josselin, sisabet, and everyone else whose dialogue I stole.

Brian hadn't put on shoes in three days.

As he lay on his bed, cradling the telephone in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other, he contemplated his lack of footwear. His first thought was that it was probably unhealthy to not leave one's house for three days. But then he took another shot straight from the bottle, and his mind was filled with more pleasant thoughts.

"Damn, I have sexy feet."

"Brian, you're not listening to me," Emmett whined from the other end of the phone line.

"It's not my fault that you're less attractive than my feet," Brian explained.

"It was the hottest sex of my life," Emmett continued. "It's better than E. It's like, all your sexual inhibitions are gone."

"My sexual inhibitions are already gone."

"Not like this. Now obviously I'm the last person to promote drug use, but as a one-time thing, it was just what I needed, you know? That little kick to make me forget about my problems and completely let myself go."

Brian was distracted from Emmett's description by the naked and wet Justin that emerged from the bathroom and moved to the dresser. He considered tackling him, but then hesitated. For one thing, he'd been drinking too much to be completely confident that tackling wouldn't degenerate into vomiting. Also, Justin had plans to go out, and would get all whiny if Brian delayed him, even if it was for a very good reason, such as sex on the floor.

Brian had been exposed to Whiny-Justin several times during this unemployed, non-shoe-wearing time. Though he wasn't in school anymore, Justin gave himself assignments, despite Brian regularly pointing out the stupidity of this. Consequently, Drunk-Aimless-Shoeless-Horny-Brian was frequently turned down with a grating, "I'm working on a project!" And if it wasn't self-imposed class work, it was a shift at the diner, or, like tonight, a night out.

"You're not listening again!"

Brian frowned into the phone. "I was just thinking about how talking to you is a sure sign of exactly how pathetic my life's become."

"Stop being a prick to Emmett," Justin said as he took the phone from him and began making plans to meet up at a bar.

“You should come with us,” Justin suggested once he hung up the phone.

“Flaming Queen’s Night Out? No thanks.”

Justin pulled on a shirt from what Brian referred to as the Fall 2003 Fugly K-Mart Sweats Collection. “You need to get out of the house. Hang with your friends, have a few drinks, get your dick sucked. You’ll feel a lot better.”

“My friends are boring,” Brian said. He held up his bottle of vodka. “I have drinks here. And if you’d shut up and get on your knees already, then all my problems would be solved without having to leave the house.”

Justin leaned over the bed and smirked. “If sex really did solve all of your problems, Brian, you’d be the most well-adjusted person ever.”

“Blow me.”

“Put on shoes.”

They eventually came to the compromise that, if Brian put on shoes, Justin would blow him later in the alley behind the bar. But once they arrived, the thought of public sex seemed oddly unsatisfying. As a matter of fact, everything seemed unsatisfying to Brian. He downed a few of his favorite drinks, blew off an ugly twink with a brilliant put-down, mocked Emmett’s suede pants, and fucked some guy in the bathroom. But he still felt…off, somehow.

As he exited the bathroom, he spotted a familiar face loitering in the hallway, and an idea came to him.

“I’m looking for something,” Brian said.

The guy reached into his pocket. “The usual?”

Brian shook his head. “It’s something new.”

He nodded, removed a small plastic bundle from his other pocket, and exchanged it for the folded bill in Brian’s hand.

“This as good as they say?” Brian asked him.

The guy smiled. “It's bliss.”

*

Emmett caught the eye of a tall musclehead, ending their evening out early. He left Justin with a half-hearted apology, a kiss on the cheek, and superfluous use of the word “sweetie”. Justin assured him that it was no problem, since he had a project to work on anyway.

He did a quick check of the bar, but the bathroom, back alley, and miscellaneous dark corners showed no sign of Brian. Justin figured he’d gone off somewhere to get laid, and was grateful that he’d taken his advice. A few random fucks would help snap him out of the depression that had been building with each day that showed no sign of a new job.

But when Justin walked into the loft, he was startled by a figure standing in the center of the dimly lit living room.

“Jesus, Brian,” he said, throwing his jacket onto the couch. “You scared the hell out of me. I thought you’d be the main attraction at some huge orgy by now."

"Justin," Brian said, so softly that, in the dark, it appeared as though his lips hadn't moved at all.

"Uh-huh?" Justin picked up one of his folders from the desk and began thumbing through it, looking for the sketch he wanted to complete tonight.

He felt a hand rest of his shoulder gently. "Justin?"

"What?"

He turned to see an unfamiliar look in Brian's eyes. It was a little bit like his expression when he was anticipating great sex, but softer somehow. His mouth was turned up in a slight smile, and his eyes were sparkling and honest.

"I love you," Brian said.

Justin took a step backward.

Brian's smile widened. "I love you very much."

"Are you okay?" Justin asked. But Brian didn't look drunk, and his eyes didn't have that glazed-over look that they got when he was high. "Do you need, um...a doctor?"

Brian began moving closer, his arm outstretched, and Justin practically tripped over the couch as he backed towards the door.

"I just wanted to let you know that. That I love you."

"Right." Justin could feel his heart pounding now, but love was the furthest thing from his mind. It was all pure, paralyzing fear.

Brian tiled his head to the side, still smiling. "That's a really nice shirt. You look good in it. And it goes well with those baggy jeans."

Justin just stared at him, backed up until he hit the door, and then took off in a run.

When he got to the bottom of the stairs, he took out his cell phone and called Michael, who still had Brian's Corvette.

"Michael!" he shouted. "You have to come over here. Something's wrong with Brian!"

"Oh my god," Michael said. "What is it? Is he hurt?"

"He said...he said he loves me." Justin looked up the stairs behind him, afraid that Pod-Brian was going to come after him at any moment. "It's probably a brain tumor. Bring the car; we need to get him to the hospital."

Michael sighed. "Shit, Justin. It's not a fucking brain tumor. Brian's been opening up a lot lately. He's really grown as a person. Everyone thinks he's a heartless bastard, but we both know that deep down -"

"Then he said he liked my outfit."

There was a moment of stunned silence before Michael responded. "I'll be right over."

Justin waited outside the building until Michael arrived, not wanting to take his chances, in case Brian had become possessed by evil forces. This way Justin would have a chance to run while Demon-Brian was eating Michael's brain.

Michael parked in front of the building and rushed out of the car. He took one look at Justin's worn, olive-green sweatshirt and paled.

"I told you! Brain tumor!" He nudged Michael towards the steps. "You go first."

When they entered the apartment, Brian was sitting at the desk, looking through Justin's drawings and humming something that sounded suspiciously like a Bette Midler song.

"Mikey!" Brian stood and held his arms out. "I'm so glad you came over. Have I told you lately how much I love you?"

Michael ignored the attempted hug, grabbed hold of Brian's head, and looked into his eyes. "What did you take?"

"You're a truly valuable friend," Brian continued, despite the fact that he couldn't move his mouth much due to Michael's tight grip on his face. "You've always been there for me, and I can't express how much I appreciate it." He wrapped his arms around Michael's chest, but Michael wormed away.

Brian noticed Justin standing behind Michael, and his eyes lit up. "Honey, I was just looking at some of your work."

Justin hid his face behind Michael's back. "Oh god. Please do something."

"Okay, no one panic," Michael said. "Brian, we're going to go somewhere, okay?"

Brian put an arm around each of their shoulders and pulled them close to his chest. "I would love to go out with the two men I value most in the world." He placed a light kiss on Michael's forehead. "My loyal and brave best friend." He did the same to Justin's. "My beautiful and committed boyfriend."

Michael led him out the door. "You're the one who needs to be committed."

"I'm gonna throw up," Justin said.

*

Brian sat beside the nurse's desk as Justin paced around them. Michael had gone to call their family and friends, to see if anyone remembered seeing Brian sustain a massive head injury earlier in the evening.

"Any insurance?" the nurse asked, as she made notes the form in front of her.

"No, I'm unemployed right now," Brian told her. "I was fired from my job for expressing my political beliefs by making love to an intern who was undermining a client's campaign." He reached out, took Justin's hand, and pulled him closer to them. "Isn't he beautiful?"

"He's very nice," the nurse said disinterestedly. "Emergency contact?"

"Justin Taylor," Brian said, running a hand through Justin's hair and smiling widely. Justin squirmed, uncomfortable.

"Relationship?"

"Life partner."

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Justin pulled away from Brian and glared at the nurse. "Can't you see he's sick? He needs a doctor right away!"

"It's busy right now," the nurse said sternly. "And your boyfriend doesn't appear to be in any danger. You'll just have to wait."

"Don't mind Justin," Brian said apologetically. "He queens out sometimes."

"I'm not queening out!" Justin argued. "Brian, something is horribly wrong with you."

Brian held out his hand. "The only thing wrong with me is that you're not in my arms right now, baby."

The nurse collected all the forms together and stood up. "Have a seat in the waiting area and they'll call you in." As she passed Justin, she winked. "I think he's sweet."

"Yeah, well you wouldn't say that if you knew him!" Justin called after her.

*

They sat next to each other on uncomfortable plastic chairs in the waiting room. For a few minutes, they were silent. Then Brian took a breath in, as if to start speaking, but Justin cut him off.

"Don't say anything."

Brian put his hand on Justin's back. "I know I'm a hard person to love, Justin."

His voice sounded so normal that Justin turned and looked at him hopefully.

"I know you put up with a lot of shit from me."

"No, it's not like that," Justin said. "You shouldn't have to apologize for who you are."

Brian nodded. "And I'm not. It's just that...I don't know, call it an epiphany or whatever the fuck you want to. I think I'm starting to realize how much other people mean to me, and how I might've hurt them in the past."

"And that's the past," Justin said. "Like you always say, no regrets."

Brian put his hand on the side of Justin's face. "I don't regret anything."

Justin smiled. "Me neither."

Brian leaned over and kissed him, and Justin began to wonder if he'd over-reacted. Life had been stressful for Brian lately, and maybe this was his way of coping. Maybe when normal people have nervous breakdowns, they freak out and lose it, but when Brian Kinney has a nervous breakdown, he channels Barney.

When the kiss ended, Brian gave him an apologetic half-smile, and Justin felt like things were going to be okay.

"So I guess what I've been trying to say," Brian said. " Is that I know it must've been hard for you."

Justin shook his head dismissively.

"It must've been cold there," Brian continued. "In my shadow. To never have sunlight in your face."

Justin felt the bone-chilling fear return. He tried to stand up, but Brian gripped his hand tightly.

"You were content to let me shine; that's your way," Brian said with an understanding nod. "You always walked a step behind."

"Michael?" Justin said. He scanned the room for help, but Brian reached out to touch Justin's cheek, and brought his face back to look at him.

"So I was the one with all the glory. And you were the one with all the strain. A beautiful face without a name." Brian paused dramatically and lowered his head, "For so long."

"Michael!" Justin shouted.

"A beautiful smile to hide the pain!" Brian sang out triumphantly.

When Michael reached them, Justin was practically hyperventilating, struggling madly to free himself from Brian, who had his hands locked around Justin's wrists, and was staring at him lovingly.

"Help me!" Justin cried out.

"Brian, let go!"

When Brian relinquished his grip, Justin leapt from the seat and collapsed into Michael's arms. "Oh god, oh god," he muttered.

"What the fuck just happened?" Michael asked.

"He quoted Wind Beneath My Wings," Justin told him miserably.

"Oh god."

"Mikey," Brian said. "I was just explaining that I don't show my appreciation enough. So I want you to know that I'm thankful for all you've done for me."

"Fine, whatever, I know," Michael said, distracted by the fact that Justin was leaning on him, taking short, panicked breaths.

"It might have appeared to go unnoticed." Brian put his hand over his chest. "But I've got it all here in my heart. I want you to know I know the truth...of course I know it."

Michael just stared at him, perplexed.

Brian held his arms out, and the waiting room echoed as he sang. "I would be nothing without you!"

Michael let out a weak yelp and wrapped his arms tighter around Justin.

Just then Debbie walked into the waiting room and spotted them: Brian, sitting back in a chair with a self-satisfied smile, and Michael and Justin, who were holding onto each other, trembling and looking terrified.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Brian," she barked out as she approached them. "What the fuck did you do?"

"Hi, Debbie!" Brian said, smiling widely.

"Mom," Michael moaned, leaning his head against her shoulder. "Something terrible has happened to Brian."

"I think it's a brain tumor," Justin told her.

Debbie hugged both of them, and then shot an evil look at Brian. "You fucking selfish drama queen prick, getting my kids all worked up. There's nothing wrong with you. Now you get your fucking coat, get in the car, and go the hell home before I smack you."

Brian nodded. "But first, Deb, I want you to know you're the only real mother I've ever had. You've given me so much, and I love you for it."

Debbie's mouth dropped open. "Oh, Christ," she muttered. She rushed to Brian's side and put her hand to his forehead, as if to check his temperature. "Brian, honey, don't worry. The doctors will figure out what's wrong and get you all fixed up." She looked around the waiting room. "Hey! Where the fuck are all the doctors? We've got a very sick man here!"

As if on cue, a young man in hospital scrubs approached them. "If we're all done shouting and swearing and singing over here, I'd like to get the patient admitted. I'm the physician's assistant; my name is Phil."

Brian stood and held out his hand. "I'm Brian Kinney. This is my best friend Michael, his mother Debbie, and Justin, my life partner."

"Fuck, Brian!" Justin shouted. "Stop calling me that! I'm not your 'life partner'. At best, I'm your 'unconventional boyfriend'. But most of the time, I'm just your 'random piece of ass' or 'annoying little twat'."

Phil put a hand on Justin's shoulder. "It's all right, Justin. Why don’t you follow me into the examining room, and the doctor will be in to see you shortly."

"No, he's the sick one." Justin argued. "He just called me his life partner."

Phil shrugged. "That's the same thing I called my ex-boyfriend."

Justin then turned to Brian and smiled hopefully. "He's gay, Brian. Don't you want to go fuck him in the janitor's closet?"

Brian shook his head. "We’re in a relationship, Justin. I don't need to fuck anyone else."

"I am so freaked out right now," Michael muttered.

"You know what?" Phil said. "I think both of you need to see the doctor. Follow me."

*

Brian sat on the hospital bed wearing a gown, holding his hands folded in front of him, and humming "From A Distance". Justin sat in a nearby chair, looking exhausted.

After he finished the song, Brian tilted his head so that he could see Justin, smiled, and said, "I love you."

"Shut up."

"You can hate me all you want, but that won't make me stop loving you."

"Shut the fuck up."

Brian paused a moment, then he sighed and said, "You let me fly so high, Justin."

Justin only stared at him. "Bite me, motherfucker."

An older man entered the room, picked up the clipboard at the foot of the bed, and looked over it quickly. "Hello, I'm Dr. Newport."

"I'm Brian Kinney," Brian said. "And this is Justin, the wind beneath my wings."

Justin put his head into his hands.

"What’s the problem today, Brian?"

"Justin insisted I come," Brian explained. "He's worried that I'm sick."

"Why would he think that?" the doctor asked.

"I told him I love him, which I hadn't done much before, despite showing my love in a variety of ways, such as helping him pay for college, and occasionally letting him top me."

"Uh-huh," the doctor said, looking confused. "Well, I'm not sure what to tell you. We don't get many cases of declarations of love at the ER."

"But I know something's wrong," Justin told him. "Couldn't you just do a CAT scan to make sure he doesn't have a head injury?"

"He's touchy about head injuries," Brian whispered.

Justin rolled his eyes.

*

As they waited for the results of the blood tests and CAT scan, everyone else came to visit Brian in the hospital, as much out of concern for Brian as out of curiosity.

Ben arrived first, having come home to find a hysterical message from Michael. When Brian saw him, he said, "I've always thought highly of you and admired you as a man of principle. Well except for that steroid thing, but that's all in the past." Ben smiled uncomfortably, and then left the room.

Melanie and Lindsay came into the room just as Ben was leaving.

"What's going on?" Melanie asked Justin as she walked up beside him. He just shook his head.

"Good to see you, Melanie," Brian said. "You know, you're an amazing, strong woman, and I respect you a great deal."

"Shove it up your ass, Kinney."

Lindsay moved to Brian's side. "Have the doctors told you anything yet?"

"Linds," he said, reaching out to stroke her hair. "I love you."

"Oh, Brian," she said with a wide smile. "That's so...I mean, I always knew it, but to hear you say it is almost more than I ever hoped for except that I was always hoping for it!"

"I'm so proud that you're the mother of my child," Brian told her.

Lindsay's eyes filled with tears. "And I'm so happy that you're his father."

"Okay; I'm gonna vomit," Melanie said. "Come on, Justin."

They stood outside the door with Ben, who still looked puzzled by Brian's pronouncement to him.

"I'm afraid it's a brain tumor," Justin told them. "I mean, nothing else could explain this. It's just too weird."

Ben shrugged. "It could be stress. There've been so many changes in his life lately, maybe it's just a mental thing."

"Maybe he's going through menopause," Melanie offered.

After Melanie was finally able to pull Lindsay away from the heartfelt proclamations of love, Ted and Emmett arrived.

"We heard Brian's gone insane," Emmett said.

"Yeah, so we came to point and laugh," Ted said. At Emmett's disapproving look, he added, "I mean, be supportive."

"Emmett, that's a gorgeous mesh top you have on," Brian told him. "You have a great sense of style."

Emmett sniffled. "Oh, Brian. You just hold on sweetie; it'll be okay."

Brian turned his attention to Ted. "You're such a loser, Ted."

Ted nodded. "Well, it's nice that some things never change."

*

When the doctor came into the room to discuss the test results, everyone was standing anxiously around Brian's bed.

"Well, there's no brain tumor, head injury, or other major medical problem," Dr. Newport told them. "It appears as if Brian just took some sort of drug."

Emmett gasped softly. "Bliss," he said. "It's a new drug going around the clubs, called Bliss. I told Brian about it when we talked earlier; he must have tried it."

The doctor nodded. "There's some MDMA in his bloodstream; that's the drug called Ecstasy. But whatever he took was mostly made up of Thiopental Sodium, which is an aesthetic. In small doses, Thiopental Sodium suppresses the inhibitory system of the brain, making people more communicative and less likely to lie."

"So he can't lie?" Lindsay asked.

"He could if he truly wanted to," the doctor said. "But considering that the drug also contains Ecstasy and who knows what else, he's too euphoric to care. To put it simply, he's blissed out."

"Will he be okay?" Michael asked.

"His body temperature's a bit high, and his blood pressure's a little low, but it's nothing to be concerned about," the doctor said. "Pumping his stomach or giving him drugs would only make him sicker. I'd suggest you just take him home, keep him hydrated, and let him sleep it off. He should be fine in a few hours."

"Well, before we all leave, I'd like to share a few things," Brian said. "First, I want you to know that I love and appreciate you. Second, I want you to know that Justin has a really big dick." He nudged Justin, who was covering his face with his hands. "Show them, honey."

"I think we're done here," the doctor said.

It was an anti-climactic ending to a nerve-wracking evening, and everyone left the hospital quickly. Brian was discharged into Michael and Justin's care, and the three of them walked out of the hospital's front doors.

"Well, it's been fun," Michael said. "See ya!"

"Oh, no." Justin grabbed his sleeve before he could walk away. "You're not leaving me with him."

"He's your boyfriend," Michael said with a smirk. "So you get to deal with him. Have fun!"

Justin sighed and turned to Brian, who was smiling, of course.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah," Brian said. "Let's go home and snuggle in front of the fireplace."

"You don't have a fireplace."

"Let's go home and snuggle in front of the oven."

As they walked through the parking lot, Justin suddenly chuckled. "When you wake up tomorrow and realize all you've said, you're going to be so angry. You'll have to be even more of a bastard to make up for it."

"Do you want me to be a bastard?" Brian asked.

"I want you to be Brian."

Brian stopped walking, and took Justin by the hand. "Would that make you happy?"

Justin leaned forward and kissed him softly. "Blissed."