Brian lit a cigarette. Justin rolled over him to get his own. They both lay on their backs, naked, hips touching. Justin moved his free hand to rest it on Brian’s.

“I’m sorry.”

“Okay.”

“I really am. I know I’ve been impossible.”

“Not impossible. Improbable. Difficult. Cunty even. But you’re never really impossible.”

“I’m just working through some shit.”

Brian grunted something that wasn’t quite agreement, but not quite dismissive either.

“Brian, I know you’re still mad.”

“Do me a fucking favor?”

“What?”

“Stop telling me what I feel.”

Justin turned to look at him. “I’m not telling you. I’m acknowledging it. There is a difference.”

“I’m not mad.”

“Well, then you were mad. Thought you were gonna take my head off.”

“Wouldn’t actually kill you.”

“But…”

“Let it go.”

“No. I can’t. Not when I’m not sure exactly why you were so fucking angry.”

“Not angry.”

“Whatever. Agitated, upset, furious.”

“You ask me to trust you and then you pull shit like that.”

“Brian, it was a mistake. I know it’s not your responsibility. I know it’s not your fault. I got so fucked up I didn’t know what I was doing.”

“Not what I’m talking about.”

“Then what?”

“Justin. I’ll put up with your bullshit. It’s not new. But there’s shit I won’t put up with.”

“I know. And I’m swearing to both of us I’m not getting that fucked up again.”

Brian stubbed out his cigarette angrily and sat up. He was about to stand up when Justin grabbed his wrist. “Let’s stop walking away.”

“You don’t even know what you fucking did.”

“I do. I mean, I don’t remember much about the last couple of days but I know…”

“Justin I couldn’t give a fuck about who you tricked with.”

“So it’s the drug thing? Your hypocrisy is showing.”

“Justin. I’m gonna say this once. Then we’re gonna drop it for good okay?”

He turned his head to look at Justin who was now sitting next to him on the bed. He saw him nod.

“Don’t ever fucking throw a lit cigarette at me again. I put up with bullshit like that for a long time. Then I left and never looked back. If you think I’m gonna let you do that just because I’m used to it, or you think you have the right to be that fucking angry, you’re wrong. You don’t know me.”

Brian was staring straight ahead. Justin leaned over and kissed his shoulder. “I was wrong.”

“No shit.”

“I didn’t know. I wasn’t thinking.”

“I know.”

Justin pushed Brian backwards straddling him. He began kissing his neck. Brian leaned his head back giving him better access as his mouth found the soft spot just below his ear and flicked his tongue gently. He continued to move his hands and mouth. Brian’s eyes were closed his legs still dangling off the bed.

Brian knew what Justin was doing. There was a part of him. The very tiny still coherent part that hadn’t been fucked out and wasn’t currently being slowly brought back to full arousal, that part of him knew he should stop this. That part of him knew that Justin’s issues weren’t gonna be helped by using sex as an apology.

That part of him disintegrated in a fiery blaze when Justin licked at his hipbone. The ashes were swept away in the wind when Justin’s mouth sucked hard at the head of his now rigid cock.

Justin’s soft lips slipped down his shaft until he felt him self bump against the back of his throat. He felt the smooth ridges on the roof of Justin's mouth as he slid his lips back to the head and licked at the precum. He pulled at Justin's arms, silently signaling him to move his body up. When Justin lifted himself off of Brian he repositioned them both.

They were on their knees, their bodies pressed against one another. Brian was licking at Justin's full bottom lip. Then he made the slightest gesture with his shoulder, squeezing his hand just an infinitesimally bit harder on Justin’s left hip. Words were not necessary. Justin turned. His legs spread, his body angled towards Brian.

His lithe little body. Brian ran his hands down Justin's back and over his perfect ass. He slid them between his pale thighs and grit his teeth against the desire to fuck him just like that. Fuck condoms. Fuck any lube other than his own cock, slicked with precum. But he inhaled sharply and brought himself back under some semblance of control… some parts of your brain should never be ignored.

He reached between Justin's legs and watched in fascination and awe at the way his body reacted to his touch. He watched him arch and move as his hand skimmed lightly over Justin’s hard and wet shaft. He pulled back; feather light touches on his balls as he reached over for a condom. He could hear the boy’s breath. He could see his body trembling with need. He felt gratified.

There was a lot of crap they had to deal with. The conversation wasn’t over. Justin still needed him, still wanted him. For right this moment, that was enough. Justin was already slick, already prepared, this was number four…or was it five, for them this afternoon but he did it anyway.

He pushed his fingers inside because he loved to hear that gasp. He did it because he loved to see him buck against his hand and spread himself open knowing this was just the preliminary round. He loved to watch him bite his lip, trying in vain to be quiet.

That one always amused Brian. Justin was fine with relinquishing control when they fucked. He gave himself over to it entirely. Brian envied him that sometimes, and thought it might kill them both at others, but he always started as if he were sure that this time he would at least control his own reactions. This time he would be silent, not beg, not whimper, not gasp, not groan. It never worked.

Brian wanted to hear him do all of those things. Loved to hear him. Needed to hear him. The desperation, the desire, and the love. It was all there in the way his body responded and the way his brain short-circuited sometimes. The way he was unable to censor himself. Brian's fingers moved more quickly, and Justin apparently gave up the illusion of any ability to stop himself from moaning.

He was making noises Brian knew weren’t human. Had no meaning outside of the two of them. But Brian knew what each one meant. Knew what was pleasure, what was pain. Knew which growl was a command to speed things up and which purr meant to slow it down and let him enjoy the moment a little longer.

And when they mixed, it was a fucking goddamned symphony. Justin’s body was like that now, on edge. He was growling and panting as he pushed back, trying to take more of Brian's hand into his body. He was purring the next moment when Brian twisted a finger and swept a knuckle against his prostate. And then the growl again indicating he wanted more. And Brian gave up thinking, listening only to the sounds Justin made.

His body reacted to those sounds. His hands held Justin's hips as he plunged his sheathed dick deep in a single stroke. No thinking necessary for this. This was about bodies talking to each other. Nothing but instinct and rote memory. He slid a hand up Justin’s back and across his shoulder and then back down his chest until his long fingers were around Justin’s cock. He was pounding into him like an animal and Justin was rutting against his hand in the same manner.

He could feel Justin’s breath speed up, feel his body begin to tremble and contract around him and he leaned in to kiss his shoulder blade.

Justin let out a half moan half yell as he shot. It covered the sound of the loft door sliding open.

“Hey Brian I just stopped by to…. OH MY GOD!!!!”

Brian heard the sound, wasn’t sure if Justin did. He gritted his teeth. He was so close. He pushed once more. Pulled out and rammed home again. Justin’s body shuddering under him, he finally came.

He grabbed the duvet and pulled it over the both of them as he turned.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

Justin was still in a bit of a haze. It cleared quickly when he realized that his little half-breed was standing as if paralyzed in the middle of the loft staring at them.

“How the fuck long have you been here?”

Aaron smirked. “Long enough.”

Brian shot him a look. Justin glared dangerously. “Go away.”

“When did you get into town?”

“Go away.”

“I’m just saying you could have called then I would have known to leave you alone.”

“You could have fucking called. This isn’t your goddamned home. Why don’t you go there?” Justin flopped back on the bed and looked at Brian. “Make him go away.”

Brian stood up and pulled on a pair of jeans. “Go to work Aaron.”

“I stopped by they said they didn’t need me today. And I found these really cool cheat codes online. I want to try them.”

“Now’s not a good time.”

“What? You two finished. It’s not like you’re gonna go again right away.”

Justin smirked. Aaron would be out of there in seconds now.

Brian walked towards him with a menacing look in his eye and Aaron tried to pretend he wasn’t intimidated. He did back away when Brian invaded his personal space though. “Um, I guess I could…”

“Go away.”

Aaron nodded. “Are you gonna be at Deb’s on Sunday?”

Brian shook his head. The kid didn’t seem able to grasp a concept. “Aaron…”

“I’m sorry I just wanted to know cause um…”

Aaron was stalling for time. What the fuck? “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Uh huh.”

“Okay, I’ll go.”

Brian closed his eyes, knowing he was about to piss Justin off. Sit. You want a soda.

“Beer’s fine.”

Brian sighed. Aaron had no sense of propriety around Justin.

Justin sat up. “He’s staying?”

Brian shot him a look that said “We’ll talk about it later.”

He brought two bottles of mountain dew and a beer out of the ‘fridge. He handed one to Justin who had moved to the chair across from the sofa. He left one on the coffee table in front of Aaron and opened his own beer.

“What did he do now?”

“Who?”

Brian shot Justin another glance and then waited. “He’s out front.”

“Why?”

“Cause I’m up here.”

“What’s going on?” Justin was confused.

“Apparently you inherited your stalker tendencies from Craig.”

“He’s downstairs. He followed you here?” Justin turned his attention to Aaron.

“He does that sometimes. Not all the time. Just when he’s got it in his head that there’s something new to talk about.”

“I thought we discussed this and you weren’t gonna talk to him.”

“Justin I tried. But he’s yelling and screaming and the only way to shut him up is to pretend to listen.”

Justin stood up quickly and headed for the door.

Brian was standing beside him. “Where are you going?”

“To get rid of him.”

“Barefoot? No shirt?” Brian ran a finger lightly over a rather vividly clear bite mark on Justin's shoulder. To emphasize his point. “That’s not going to make him calm.”

“Not trying to calm him down.”

“So you’re back to picking fights with him?”

Justin turned and leaned against the closed door and in a move that Brian was becoming all too familiar with, banged his head against it several times. Brian stopped him. “Cut that the fuck out. He’s fine, he’s safe, he’s here.”

“So much for our stealth weekend.”

Brian looked at his watch. “Almost eighteen hours. That may be a record for us.”

“I hate this shit.”

“I know.”

Justin leaned in and rested his head against Brian’s chest. “How long does he have to stay?”

“Couple hours. C’mon. You order food. I want to see if the cheat codes work. Fucking level’s been kicking both our asses.”

Brian joined Aaron on the sofa and watched for a second as they intently studied the codes and then tried them.

The order he was placing was drowned out by the victory yell of both of them when apparently one of them worked.

He sat back on the chair and watched the two of them playing. “Brian playing“ Justin thought to himself. Maybe Aaron was good for something.

They ate, they chatted. Aaron judiciously didn’t mention what he’d walked in on earlier. And eventually Brian drove Aaron home. Justin elected to stay in. His argument was that he didn’t want to be seen, they still had the stealth thing going. Brian knew he was probably just tired.

When he got back to the loft he toed off his shoes and found Justin asleep on the sofa. He booted up the computer and lit a cigarette. Biting at his thumb he did a little mindless research on a new account. Justin woke up about three cigarettes later.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Sorry, I fell asleep.”

“Yeah, you should be sorry.”

“Why?”

“Irony.”

“Oh yeah, um…too tired for that at the moment.”

Brian said nothing. Bringing up the whole not sleeping, snorting crank issue wasn’t going to accomplish anything. “Feeling better?”

“Much.” Justin stretched and smiled. “I think I may never be able to have sex again though.”

Brian growled.

“Brian, Aaron saw us.”

“So?”

“He’s my brother. It’s creepy.”

“No. If he joined us…that would be creepy. This was just… unfortunate.”

“You don’t care?”

“Have I ever cared who saw me fucking?”

“I guess not.”

Brian moved over to the sofa and sat against the arm, pulling Justin back with him until he was settled between his legs. Blonde hair tickling his chin as his head settled on his shoulder.

“Are we okay?”

“We will be.” Brian slid his hand down Justin's arm rubbing his fingers gently between Justin's.

“We’re not now though?”

“No. But I have faith you’ll come to your senses soon.”

He felt Justin stiffen, his body ready to leap and pounce. His heart rate was faster. “Hey… calm down. We’ll work this out but you’re still really pissed.”

“Yeah I am.”

“And you’re pissed at me.”

“A little.”

“A lot.”

“Because I can afford things and like to provide them.”

“That makes it sound stupid.”

“Yes it does.”

“You think it is stupid.”

“I do. But you don’t.”

“So you think I’m stupid.”

“That’s a leap. I think you’ve let society dictate something to you. I hate that.”

“You really do. You’re the only one who’s allowed to dictate to me…or anyone.”

“Exactly. So I’m dictating that it doesn’t matter.”

“Why doesn’t that work?”

“It doesn’t?”

“No. It should. You say ‘it doesn’t matter.’ I nod. And abracadabra, it doesn’t matter.”

“Maybe that’s the wrong magic word. Try opensesame”

“Brian shut up.”

“Okay, but I think we’re on to something. The right magic word will fix all of this.”

“Now you’re making me sound stupid again.”

“Not making you do anything. I’m enhancing your natural abilities.”

“You’re saying I’m naturally stupid.”

“You are blonde.”

“Fuck you.”

“And angry. An angry dumb blonde…just what I always wanted.”

“I’m not dumb…but two out of three ain’t bad.”

“Except I really prefer that you get over the whole rage thing.”

“Forgot, you’ve cornered the market on rage.”

“That’s right, you owe me royalties.”

“Did you know Matt didn’t know you were Rage?”

“Why should he?”

“He knew I was JT.”

“Yeah and Matt’s a real brain trust.”

“Hey, he’s pretty smart. He writes some amazing shit.”

“Provides some too I hear.”

“So I guess this discussion is no longer tabled.”

“I can’t tell you what to do Justin but you don’t fucking leave your friends when they’re that far gone. That’s WHY you don’t take candy from strangers. That’s why you don’t sit at home and get wasted alone.”

“Hypocrisy 101 by Brian Kinney.”

“I don’t do that shit either.”

“Only cause Michael follows you around with water and beer and whatever else you need.”

“But I know he’ll do that.”

“But you don’t NOT do it if he’s not there.”

“I’m careful.”

“Except when you don’t want to be.”

“What?”

“I’m not new here. You think I don’t know about your little death wish moments?”

“What the fuck are you talking about.”

Justin turned his head to look Brian in the eye. He extracted his hand from Brian’s and waved. “Hi, have we met? I’m Justin Taylor, reason for everything that’s ever upset you since we met. You must be Michael’s best friend since you were fourteen Brian Kinney.”

“Christ, what does he do, run to you every time he thinks you fucked me up?”

“Just like he runs to you every time he thinks I’m fucking you over.”

“I don’t have a death wish.”

“Yes you do. But it’s okay. Part of the mystery.”

“Yeah, I’m so fucking mysterious.”

“Not to me. But then again, I don’t really think it’s okay that you have no regard for your own fucking life.”

“I thought we were discussing how much I hate Matt.”

“I changed the subject.”

“Change it back.”

“Stop trying to kill yourself.”

“You really don’t want to talk about Matt. Why is that?”

“Because this was no one’s fault but mine. And you blaming him is like Michael blaming me.”

“But Michael wouldn’t leave if I were as fucked up as you were.”

“Michael won’t leave, no matter how fucked up you are.”

“He’s over that.”

“The bizarre puppy dog crush? Yeah, he is. The thing where he thinks you’re my responsibility and when I’m not here, his. Nope, not over that.”

“He’s got his own life now.”

“You’re a part of it.”

“That bothers you?”

“No. Michael’s actually good for you sometimes.”

“Only sometimes?”

“Well, he lets you get away with way to much.”

“No one lets me get away with anything. I don’t have to answer to anyone.”

“You don’t actually believe that do you?”

Brian sighed. “No. It was nice while it lasted.”

“No it wasn’t.”

“Sometimes it was.”

“Do you wish you still didn’t have anyone to answer to?”

“No Justin, I don’t wish you weren’t in my life.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“It’s what you asked.”

“So we’re okay.”

“Yeah. We’re fine. But you’re gonna lose it again.”

“Why?”

“Cause I’m gonna fuck up and buy you something.”

“No you’re not.”

“I’m not?”

“If you see something, and you think. Gee, I’ll bet Justin would just love to have that...”

“I think the word gee? When did I start doing that?”

“Shut up. When you think. Motherfucker, I have to buy that for Justin.”

“Better.”

“You’ll then think…let me call him and see if he wants me to buy it for him.”

“I will?”

“I’m thinking this is how it works. You ask, and then I can say yes or no. Then I’m not indebted to you.”

“You’re not indebted to me if I buy you everything on the fucking planet.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s not. That’s the part I need you to get.”

“I get that you think that. It’s just not true Brian. You can’t pay my way through life and expect people to see me as an adult.”

“Ha!”

“What?”

“It’s about what other people see… I knew it!”

“Fuck you. It is not.”

“It is, it’s about what your friends think. What Matt thinks.”

“We’re back to Matt?”

“You thought I was gonna let that go?”

“What is there to discuss? You can’t make me stop being friends with him. And I can’t believe I just had to say that. Last time I had an argument like this was… probably Cody.”

“He needed to be shot.”

“He probably has been.”

“What is it with you and really bad choices in men?”

“I don’t know but you lucked out.”

“Yeah, that’s me. Lucky bastard with an insane twink and his twisted half-breed invading my life.”

“I can get Aaron to back off.”

“No, you can’t. But it’s okay. He’s not so bad. He’s kind of sweet.”

“I’m gonna have to reevaluate my plan to kill you. I don’t think it was painful enough.”

“I though we were beyond the thing where you thought it was all my fault.”

“You just called my half-breed sweet.”

“He is.”

“He’s evil.”

“He really isn’t.”

“He’s playing you.”

“Yeah, but only because I let him.”

Justin pulled back and moved so that he was completely facing Brian on the other end of the sofa. “Why?”

“Why?”

“Why are you letting him play you?”

“No clue.”

“Really?”

“Really. He’s a kid. He’s your brother. I’ll keep an eye on him.”

“But you know he’s fucking with you.”

“Sometimes, yeah.”

“So you let him.”

Brian sighed. “He’s got a shit for a father Justin. We both know a little something about that. He’s got some bullshit going on at school that he doesn’t talk about but we both know something about how nasty that can get too.”

“Fuck is he okay?”

“Yeah, he’s a tough little punk. But I’ve seen the bruises. Not bad. Not a lot. Just your standard bully crap. But he likes it here. He likes to do stupid stuff when he knows I’m watching so I’ll stop him. He doesn’t do it when I’m not watching. That’s how I know he’s playing me.”

“How do you know what he does when you’re not watching?”

“The walls have eyes… and I pay them.”

“You pay people to watch him?”

“No. But Jamie talks to me… I have a pretty good idea of what he’s up to. And when I’m not around he clubs with Emmett and Gordon.”

“So what, he just wants to make sure someone cares.”

“I guess so.”

“And you go out of your way to make sure he knows someone does.”

“Not really out of my way.”

“Classic Kinney bullshit.”

“Whatever that means.”

“It means that god forbid anyone actually know that you DO care. So you pretend to do it to make him happy.”

“It does make him happy.”

“You’re backwards. And you’re the one who’s sweet.”

“Tell anyone and I’ll kill you.”

“Who’d believe me?”

“Good point.”

“I’m taking a shower. Join me.”

Brian smiled and followed Justin into the shower. They were both naked and drying off when Justin leaned into Brian again. “I want you.”

“You have me.”

“I want…”

“What?”

Justin was quiet. His face turned red and Brian knew exactly what he wanted. He shook his head. “No.”

“No?”

“Not today.”

“You’re saying no? When do you say no?”

“When I think you want this to prove something. When I think you just want…”

“Brian.”

He held Justin and felt himself grow hard. “Justin, not to actually punish you. Not because you hate yourself.”

“I don’t.”

“You did yesterday.”

“I got over it.”

He pushed Justin away gently dragging his eyes away from his dick, which was almost visibly throbbing in anticipation. “Are you sure?”

Justin didn’t say another word. He spread himself out on the middle of the bed and waited.

Brian would give Justin anything he wanted. He knew that, they both knew that, but he…

Justin moved, just the tiniest writhe against the sheets…his pale body against the new deep indigo Egyptian cotton and Brian put away all other thoughts. He wanted this and he’d give him this.

Justin licked his lips and smiled. He’d watched Brian’s internal debate. He moved his body, just a little, just enough to remind Brian exactly what he was debating…or make him forget.

He felt himself roughly flipped onto his stomach and he knew he’d won…or lost…or something. Whatever had happened…it was good.

Brian started so gently, so carefully binding his wrists. Sliding a soft pillow under his hips. Kissing the backs of his knees as he pushed them forward and positioned him exactly the way he wanted him. “Don’t fucking move.”

Justin shuddered at the gravel rough low pitch of Brian’s voice against his ear. He wiggled his ass, and Brian slapped it, hard. He couldn’t drop his head, not with his arms tied together and attached to the hook in the wall…instead he let it fall onto his biceps as he felt Brian begin in earnest.

It felt so good. Brian thought he was asking for punishment and maybe he was. But it was also about trust, and a connection. Justin felt that… And then there was nothing but the amazing feel of hard paddle against his ass. Of Brian's mouth kissing the hot red skin. He moaned and Brian started again.

He arched his back, spreading his legs and angling towards the paddle. Then it stopped. “I said don’t fucking move.”

Justin was so hard he wanted to beg but it was too soon. He pulled himself back into position and Brian started again. Hard and fast, hitting the curve of his ass. Justin yelped and moaned and knew he needed this right now.

He felt Brian slide his fingers inside him, and he couldn’t stop himself from whimpering. Brian was leaning against him, pulling roughly at his nipples, whispering in his ear.

“You’re such a dirty boy. So hot, so wet, just because I’m spanking you. You love that right?”

Justin tried to nod but Brian was biting at his earlobe while he moved his fingers inside him. You want to come so badly Justin I can feel your whole body trembling. You want to but not yet. Not now. Not while you’re being punished right?”

Justin moaned in agreement but knew it wasn’t up to him. Brian’s fingers were stroking expertly inside him. He felt jolts of primal need flow through him and he moved back and forth sliding along Brian's long nimble fingers. He felt the heat of Brian’s body and then felt its loss. He felt the fingers leave him and he wanted to cry.

Brian's hand was solid and sharp as it caught the bottom of his ass and slapped hard and he moaned. He felt that same hand roughly rub against his dick and was sure he was going to come. He tried to think of something else but Brian's voice was washing over him in hot waves.

“You think this is all for me Justin but you know you wanted it. Needed it. You know that you love this. Love feeling like you’re mine. You love to feel like my possession.”

Justin knew it was true and in the real world, the outside world, he’d fight it. Right here, in this bed. He didn’t want anything else.

“All yours Brian. Always yours Brian.”

He felt something bumpy and cool slide into him and he spread his legs wider to accept its girth. Brian silently pushed his legs back together and began with the paddle again.

Justin couldn’t think anymore. Didn’t want to. Let the pain become pure pleasure. Let the raw energy take over.

His body was covered in a sheen of sweat. His ass was burning and he needed to come so badly he was begging now. Promising anything. The assault didn’t stop. He didn’t want it to. He trusted Brian. He didn’t have to think beyond that right now. He felt Brian’s tongue slide down from the crack of his ass to his balls and he felt Brian take them into his mouth sucking so hard it almost hurt.

He was making noises. Words were beyond him. When he felt the soft graze of teeth and the cool air on his wet sac he gasped and Brian pulled the plug out of him and replaced it with his own sheathed cock.

He was draped over Justin now. His arm resting on the wall under his, supporting some of his weight while he fucked him and never stopped telling him what a good dirty little boy he was.

He pulled back then. Telling Justin how beautiful his hot red ass looked when he fucked it. He pushed the head of his cock against Justin's’ prostate and then continued to prod the sensitive bundle of nerves until Justin’s body was shaking. The slightest movement made him throw his head back and gasp.

“Now Justin. Come for me now.”

He almost cried in relief as Brian continued to stroke him from the inside, his hands laying a few stinging slaps on his ass at the same time, and Justin came, harder than he thought he could.

He saw flashes of red and white behind his eyes. The tremors ran through his body in waves of shuddering ecstasy and he wanted to collapse but he was held secure and in place by Brian who continued to fuck him. Continued to stimulate his prostate so that his body bucked and jerked with every movement. He felt himself grow hard again and he was moaning Brian's name as he grabbed and stroked at his cock while fucking him faster. They both came then. And Brian moved to untie Justin’s arms.

When he did Justin collapsed. He saw bright flashes swim across his vision. He couldn’t move, couldn’t talk.

Brian picked up his hand and kissed his wrist. Sucking lightly on the pulse point and Justin felt as if Brian was still inside him. He felt his heart rate slow and strong arms pull him close holding him. He felt boneless. Floaty. Melting. Good.

Before he drifted off he heard Brian whisper softly into his ear. “Don’t ever tell me I don’t know what you need Justin. I’ll always give you what you need.”

Twenty

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