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The End Done Right
by Vamphile
Chapter Twenty-Three
The restaurant was quiet, so were Mel and Lindsay. Neither wanted to be the first one to speak.
The waiter left the breadsticks and poured the wine they’d ordered, as they continued to sit in silence, studying their hands, the menu, the fringe on the curtain pull, anything to avoid eye contact.
“I’m sorry.”
Lindsay looked up, exasperated. “Stop saying that, it doesn’t help.”
“What would?”
“A time machine.”
“I left that in my other purse.” Melanie tried for humor, and missed the mark.
“Mel, I know you’re sorry, you’ve always said you’re sorry, the words mean nothing anymore.”
Melanie sighed, “I just want us to be able to talk.”
“So talk.”
“I’m working for legal aide.”
“That’s nice, you’ll really be able to do some good there.”
”I hope so.”
“Why didn’t you just go back to your old firm?”
”I’m trying to make some changes. And I’m seeing someone.”
Lindsay was silent.
“Oh, no, not like that, I mean I’m seeing a therapist, well, a new therapist.”
Lindsay smiled half heartedly, “I think that’s great.”
”She’s helping, with the anger, and the…”
“Violence?”
”Yeah, with the violence. It’s been tough to admit to myself let alone anyone else that I did that to you, that I became that person. I’m on some meds now too, I think they’re working.”
“That’s good.”
“I just want to be able to see you, to pick up the kids at your place and not have to make the swap in a ‘neutral environment.”
“Ben and Michaels is hardly like having to pick them up at the Family Services building.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I do, but I don’t know how comfortable that would be considering…” Lindsay trailed off.
“Brian.”
Lindsay nodded, “You know Brian Mel, he’s very black and white about things, and I don’t know how he’d feel about you coming to see Gus at the house.”
“I thought you weren’t living in the house.”
“I’m not, but I’m living in a house across the lawn, and Brian has been spending a lot of time with Gus and JR, he’s really a part of their lives now.”
“Fucking Brian.”
“Mel.”
”Sorry, I’m working on it, it’s just difficult to understand how you can always defend that…”
Lindsay stopped her. “It’s time to change the subject, because I’m not having this argument again, we’ve been having it for 10 years, and it’s not going to change. Brian is part of my family. I’m not going to say another word about it.”
“So how’s Gus doing in Kindergarten?”
”He’s loving it, and I’m running out of room on the fridge.
“So do you have any idea what the pictures are?”
”Sometimes I think I can make out a tree, but if I mention it, I’ll find out it’s a dog, or a house.”
Melanie laughed. “I’ve got plenty of room on my fridge if you need to annex some space.”
“I’ll send some of his work with him next weekend.”
“I’d like that.”
“So what’s going on over at legal aide?”
”Same old bullshit, people are trying to protect themselves and getting screwed over. I’m doing a lot of landlord tenant mediation.”
The conversation began to flow once they got past actually addressing their issues, and when Mel leaned in to give Lindsay a peck on the cheek as they said goodbye, Lindsay didn’t flinch.
“She’s WHERE?”
”Stop yelling.”
Justin had forgotten that Brian didn’t know about Melanie and Lindsay's scheduled meeting, and when he mentioned it after Deb and his mother left, he should have been prepared for the outburst, but he wasn’t.
“I’m not yelling. Where were they meeting?”
Justin shrugged, “Some restaurant, a ‘neutral setting’ is how Lindsay put it.”
Brian shook his head and poured himself a scotch. “She’s gonna get back together with Melanie.”
“I don’t think so.”
Brian didn’t say another word, he sat, pouring himself another and trying to think. He’d always hated Sundays.
His brain was spinning but his face remained blank. Justin knew the look well, and kissed Brian on the cheek.
“I’m gonna go do some work.”
Brian nodded absently, and then glanced at the clock. It was only two in the afternoon. “Dinner at eight.”
Justin wasn’t ready to try their negotiation banter at the moment. The restrictions Brian was putting on his work, and his time were starting to grate on his nerves but he knew the man well enough not to enter a power struggle when he was mid brood. “Eight” Justin repeated and disappeared into the studio, lighting a cigarette as soon as he entered and contemplating the work he’d already accomplished on the piece.
Brian tried to pull his anger apart. It was something he’d learned years ago, when you were angry with too many people or situations at once, there was no way to manage the pain. No amount of drugs, or alcohol or sex could help. But if you separated the issues, made sure you knew exactly whom you hated, and why, then you could drown each one. Bury it deep beneath the joy of the orgasm, or the numbing relief of killing brain cells. He started with Melanie, she was easy for him to hate, she hurt Lindsay, she upset Gus, she was no better than his father. He poured himself another. The rest was harder to untangle. He wasn’t angry with Justin, well, not as angry as he was scared for him.
Justin was putting up a good front. He realized he’d pushed too hard, and he seemed to recognize the danger he’d put himself in. But Brian wasn’t naďve enough to think that a couple of days of bed rest and some takeout had fixed the problem. The medication helped him sleep but he still woke up with nightmares sometimes. Brian still watched him crack his knuckles as if that was the key to all his problems. He’d seen Justin take on that same possessed look while getting brunch ready that he’d had the night of the dinner party. So whom do you hate when the person you need in your life isn’t okay?
This was the one Brian had been struggling with. There was no one to punch, no one to hate, and no easy solution. Brian tried not to think about it, he lit a joint.
There was Jennifer. He wanted to scream, to stand in her face and yell that she wasn’t helping, but she wasn’t trying to hurt Justin. She didn’t understand his aversion to therapists. They had been a symbol that something was wrong with him, when she first took him to one, as if there were something that needed fixing. And after the bashing all they had done was try to bring up pain he didn’t want to feel, and then try to get him to accept the unacceptable, that his show of affection to the man he loved led to a bat to the head.
In retrospect, beating the shit out of every snotty straight guy he could find with the pink posse probably was far more therapeutic than anything any of those fuckers told him after the bashing. “Including me” Brian thought to himself, as he remembered all of the times he’d told Justin to simply forget about it, put it behind him, move on. He shook his head and started looking through the top cabinet of the entertainment system. It was barely reachable by Justin, and thus totally out of reach of Gus and JR. He found the vial and took a quick snort. He didn’t use coke often, but there were times when feeling wired, without quite remembering why, was the best defense.
Moments later he felt a little better, and he stopped trying to pull apart the pain into separate piles, instead he simply forgot about the glass, and drank the scotch straight from the bottle while watching East of Eden and muttering every line under his breath with the actors.
Justin found him at eight, passed out on the sofa, the empty bottle laying discarded on the floor. He picked up the vial and put it away. The movie had been over for a while, but he hit play again, hoping that the soothing and familiar words would penetrate Brian's inebriation enough to make him feel a little more in control.
Justin knew this mode of pain management well; he’d seen it often over the years. It only happened when Brian couldn’t control the things that were wrong, the things that were hurting the people he cared about. Justin knew rationally that this was about Melanie and Lindsay as well as himself, but he couldn’t help feeling that if he had just been better about hiding it, better about taking care of it himself, or strong enough to leave, Brian wouldn’t be doped to the gills and passed out in his own house unable to figure out what to do next.
He sat on the other side of the sofa and watched the movie, debating what to do to help the man lost in his own pain, but it wasn’t his own pain, he took on everyone else’s, and that’s why it became too much for him to handle.
Justin went back into the studio and grabbed a sketchpad and a couple of pencils. He turned his back to the movie and sketched Brian as he slept, mouth open, arm flung off the couch, sounds that were almost but not quite snores rattling in the back of his throat, wearing a white t-shirt and black jeans, shoeless, Justin lost himself in capturing the peace in his easy grace that juxtaposed the slight furrow of his brow, which the artist knew meant that even copious amounts of scotch and pot, helped along with coke, had not managed to permanently kill the demons this man was currently fighting.
Brian woke up with a start several hours later to find Justin sitting on the floor, knees pulled up, sketch pad resting on them, his tongue sticking out just a little as he concentrated.
“Shit you’re drawing me like this.” He ran a hand over his face and through his hair.
“You’re awake.”
“Perceptive.”
Brian checked his watch, it was after 11
“Did you eat something?”
Justin wanted to say yes, but he had promised not to lie anymore. “Do you want something?”
”Not hungry thanks. Did you eat something?” Brian wasn’t so far gone he missed the fact that Justin hadn’t answered the question.
“I’ll eat tomorrow it’s bad to eat this late at night.”
Brian looked at Justin and wanted to argue but was too tired. He shrugged, “kill yourself, I’ll only miss you a little.” And with that he sat up and hit the remote to change from the DVD player to regular TV.
Justin sighed, and came back downstairs with two apples and a handful of cheese cubes. He handed Brian one of the apples. “You haven’t eaten either.”
Brian took a bite, and relaxed back onto the sofa, his feet on the coffee table.
Three days later Brian returned to work.
Justin cooked him breakfast, and did his best to hide his anxiety.
Everything had been fine, well, not fine, but easier, when Brian was there. Granted the whole 24/7 thing was beginning to feel confining, but at least he knew when he had and anxiety attack, or a nightmare, Brian would be there. It was time to go back to being independent, and he wasn’t looking forward to it.
Brian knew that Justin was nervous, but he didn’t want to make him feel like an invalid. He’d made strides during their house arrest, as they’d chosen to call it, but he still woke up with nightmares, even through the medication. He still had moments of sheer terror for no reason, while doing mundane tasks like throwing out a take out container or loading the dishwasher. He still ate sparsely, and refused to see any kind of professional. Brian knew that getting him back to have his stitches taken out on Friday was going to be difficult but that was Friday, and today was only Wednesday. He also knew that once he got back into the office he’d be swamped, he’d been fielding calls for the last several days from Ted, and Cynthia, and a couple of clients, and he’d managed to keep them all reassured that nothing was falling apart, but he wasn’t so sure, and in truth he was anxious to get back to the office.
He’d seen every movie he’d ever bought, twice. He’d played strip Boggle, and strip Scrabble, and strip truth or dare, which wasn’t really much of a game between the two of them, it mostly consisted of getting stoned, saying stupid things, getting naked and fucking, and while that was fun, very fun, eventually you needed to leave the cocoon and live again. He just hoped Justin was ready.
“Meet me at the diner for lunch today?”
“I’m sure you’ll be swamped, and I’ve got some ideas that I’m dying to get started on in the studio.”
Brian shrugged, he probably would be busy, he’d make time to meet Justin, but if he wasn’t ready, well, he wasn’t going to force the kid.
“Don’t work too hard.”
Justin kissed him, and Brian put his hand on the back of the blonde’s neck, pulling him in for a deeper kiss.
Justin locked himself in the studio and breathed deeply. “I can do this.” He kept repeating to himself.
He grabbed a bottle of water and drank most of it in a single gulp, refusing to acknowledge his irrational fear of being alone in the house. Cranking up the radio until he couldn’t hear himself think, he got back to work.
That’s how Brian found him when he got home 14 hours later. He’d called during the day, no answer. He’d resisted the urge to simply walk out of the office and drive home to reassure himself that Justin was okay. He’d tried to get out of the office early but every time he thought he was done someone put something on his desk that needed his approval or signature. There was a stack of phone calls to return, and a new client that wanted to set up a meeting ASAP. He plowed through all of it, gritting his teeth. Trying not to let his imagination take over, trying no to worry like a mother hen. He put up a good front until 10, then he simply slammed down the pile of documents in front of him, turned out the office lights and went home. He knocked on the studio door and Justin opened it, the music blaring. He was covered in paint.
“You stop for lunch?”
Justin smiled “The muse hit hard, I’ve gotten so much work done today. We should let Magdalena in here more often, it’s nice to have a clean studio.”
Brian tried not to glower, he failed and Justin saw this and took a step back. Brian hated to see Justin scared of him, but the first opportunity and he’d fallen back into his old patterns. Brian was less than amused.
“I’ll make dinner now.” Justin said as he turned off the stereo and headed up to the kitchen.
“I’ll be back down in a minute.” Brian walked upstairs, trying to push his anger back down, trying to ignore his fear. He changed into jeans and met Justin in the kitchen.
“I was going to make salmon, but if you want something else…”
Brian came up behind Justin and pulled him backwards, kissing at his neck. “You broke the rules.” he whispered into Justin's ear.
A chill went down Justin's spine, not entirely unpleasant. “I was working. I ate breakfast, and look, now dinner, so…”
Brian turned Justin around so that they were facing each other, forehead to forehead; he rested his hands on Justin's hips. “You broke the rules.” he repeated, trying to convey with his fingers, his eyes, his lips, his breath, his touch that they weren’t rules for the sake of power, or fun, they existed to keep Justin safe.
Justin wriggled out of Brian's grip. He felt the intensity of Brian's feelings, and he understood, at least he thought he did, Brian's concerns, but skipping lunch was hardly a federal offense. And he said so.
Brian sighed. “Salmon’s fine, I’m starving.”
Justin put the fish on top of the chopped vegetables and seasoned them, then put the lid on the pan and turned down the burner.
“Should be ready in about ten minutes.”
Brian watched carefully as Justin did all of this, mostly with his left hand. He’d learned to work around the bandage and the cut was almost entirely healed, he’d been lucky not to have suffered any nerve damage, and the stitches would be out soon.
Justin started to set the table but Brian came up behind him and grabbed the dishes. He pulled Justin towards the table and took the cramped right hand into both of his. He began a soft massage starting at the palm using his thumbs to relax the muscles. Justin leaned his head back and enjoyed the sensation.
“You’re supposed to stop before your hand gets like this.” Brian said quietly.
“You should see the work I’m doing, it’s really coming out well.” Justin said, his eyes still closed, his head back, reveling in the gentle feel of Brian's hands smoothing out the kinks in his fingers, straightening them and then intertwining their fingers together.
“Look at me.”
“Justin opened his eyes, and lowered his head, meeting the hazel gaze head on.”
“You’ve got to take better care of yourself.”
“I will, as soon as…”
Brian dropped his hand, and stood up, getting glasses and silverware, but obviously agitated. “As soon as what? There’s always an ‘as soon as’ with you. You need to take care of yourself now.”
“I’m sorry.” Justin said and Brian resisted the very strong urge to throw a glass at his head. “How many rules were you planning on breaking tonight?”
Justin wanted to apologize again but seeing Brian's white knuckles was honestly afraid the glass he was holding was about to shatter in his hand. He tried a different tack. “You’re right. I guess I just got lost in the work, I’ll figure something out so that it doesn’t happen again.”
“Well, you could have answered your fucking phone.”
“Oh, I turn it off when I’m working really hard, that way there are no distractions.”
“Get distracted.”
“Okay, I’ll leave my phone on.”
“And you’ll eat, every day.”
“And I’ll eat every day. But Brian I haven’t gone a single day without eating since…”
“How long did you hold down breakfast?”
Justin was startled, he still had trouble holding down food sometimes but he’d been much better about it, and much better at not bothering Brian with it. But the honesty policy still stood so he answered “Almost an hour.”
“So an hours worth of toasted blueberry muffin is what you’ve been using to build your strength back?”
“Today was our first day back from house arrest, it makes sense that I would be a little nervous, and that always makes the eating thing harder.”
“Yeah, today was the first day back and you’ve already started to rekindle your love affair with bad habits.”
“You’re right, I’m…” Justin was about to apologize but the look in Brian's eyes made him change mid sentence. “I’m gonna be more careful, and I’ll keep some food in the studio.”
“Okay then.”
Brian brought the glasses and silverware to the table and resumed his massage of Justin's hand. Several minutes later, Justin was able to pick up the pan and serve the food with both hands.
They were in the den watching the new Showtime series that had replaced “Gay as Blazes” when the phone rang, it was midnight. Justin answered.
“I have the perfect idea for the next issue.”
“There’s a next issue?”
“Sure, shouldn’t there be?”
“I guess.”
“What are you doing tomorrow at five?”
“Let me guess, I’m meeting with you to discuss ideas?”
”Exactly.”
“See you at five.”
Brian raised his eyebrows questioningly.
“Michael has a new idea for Rage, so we’re gonna have a story meeting.”
Brian nodded, and put a blue pill on his tongue, Justin leaned in for a deep kiss, swallowing the pill, but not releasing Brian's mouth from his own for several more seconds.
“Have I mentioned that I don’t mind taking my medicine so much anymore?”
Brian smiled and leaned in for another kiss.
He pushed Justin back against the sofa, pulling his shirt over his own head, and then pulling Justin's off as well. But rather than discard them he used the sleeves of Justin's shirt to bind his wrists, tying them to the frame of the sofa.
Justin's eyes opened wide, but there was no fear in them. His lips were parted and his breathing was shallow. His back arched naturally with his arms bound over his head, and Brian slowly removed the paint stained cargo pants, never breaking eye contact.
Justin was hard before Brian's hands even touched the Velcro at his waist, by the time Brian had thrown the thin khaki cotton to the side he was writhing and throbbing.
Brian pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and then released it, and Justin just stared, wanting to bite Brian's bottom lip himself. He squirmed a little as Brian leaned in against him, kissing up his chest.
“You broke the rules.” He whispered into Justin's ear and a shiver went down Justin's spine.
Brian flipped Justin over, causing the shirt binding Justin's wrists to twist tighter around them.
Justin wanted to say something but he wasn’t sure what.
Brian leaned in again, kissing at Justin’s neck. When the blonde tried to turn his head to kiss him back Brian simply put a hand on either side of his head and laid his forehead back down on the sofa. He pulled a pillow off the back of the couch and slid it under Justin's hips, pushing his ass up in the air, and Justin had a pretty good idea of what was coming next. He arched his back, and whispered “please.”
“Please what?”
Justin didn’t know.
“Do you want me to stop?”
Justin knew. “No, don’t stop.”
Brian's hands were gliding gently up Justin's back, and scratched lightly as he dragged his fingers back down to Justin's ass. The sensations were indescribable and Justin’s body was shaking, he tried to move his hips, to thrust himself against the pillow and when Brian saw what he was doing the pillow was removed.
“On your knees.”
Justin struggled without the use of his hands, but pulled himself up to his knees, his cock leaking, his body needing whatever came next, needing to feel Brian's touch, rough, gentle, he didn’t care.
Brian stood next to the bound boy, undeniably turned on by his body, by the soft tremble he could see, and his obvious need.
He leaned in to kiss Justin and then moved his head back to his ear, licking around the little shell like curl of it. And whispering again “You broke the rules.”
Brian moved behind Justin on the sofa, kissing the spot between his shoulder blades, watching the goose bumps rise on Justin's flesh. He moved his head lower down Justin's back slowly, painfully slowly. He stopped occasionally, leaving a hot wet kiss, and then blowing across the area, raising the goose bumps again. He could feel the heat from Justin's body even through his jeans.
His mouth moved down lower, licking and teasing the very edge of the crack of Justin's ass. Justin moaned into the sofa, arching his back, wanting more.
Brian knew what Justin wanted, and wasn’t ready to give it to him yet. He began to flick his tongue just across Justin's ass cheeks, never delving inside, taking little nips at his ass, watching the boy writhe and listening to the soft sounds coming from the back of his throat.
His hands moved up Justin's back again and scratched their way down lightly, as Justin's stomach muscles contracted with desire. Brian reached his hand around and lightly ran his fingers along Justin's dick and listened to him almost cry when his fingers moved on.
He finally spread apart his ass cheeks and licked, flicking his tongue quickly and lightly, teasing but never providing any real pressure.
Justin was desperate now, bucking backwards, but Brian just moved back further and soon Justin, his hands still tied to the base of the sofa, couldn’t lean back any further, and he lost all contact with Brian. He cried out as if the loss of contact caused physical pain.
Brian stopped and began rubbing Justin's ass lightly, surveying his work. His cheeks were beginning to show small signs of the bites he’d left, and when he touched one Justin almost jumped at the touch. He planted a hot wet kiss on each cheek and then blew across it. Justin bucked as the cool feeling of air against the wetness left behind cooled his ass, which felt as if it were on fire.
Brian flipped Justin back over, this tightened the shirt around his wrists again, and Justin moaned. Brian leaned in, his full body, still denim clad from the waist down grinding against Justin. He kissed Justin and checked to make sure he was cutting off the circulation to his hands. He licked his ear and whispered again “you broke the rules.”
Justin, back arched, body straining wanted to apologize, to promise he’d never do it again, to beg to be touched again but Brian, seeing him about to speak, leaned in and kissed him hard, his tongue invading, surveying, and then dancing with Justin's. He lifted himself off of Justin and moved his mouth down his neck, and onto his chest. He pulled a nipple into his mouth and bit, pulling the nipple with his teeth, Justin arched his back further, loath to lose even this slight contact.
Brian continued lower until his mouth was at Justin's cock. He licked at it, lightly. Justin whimpered and thrust up trying to invade his mouth, to create friction, to get some release. Brian grabbed the base of his dick, putting his thumb on the vein that ran along the bottom, stopping Justin from coming.
“You broke the rules.” He said again in a passion deepened voice.
Justin was beginning to realize that this was going to be a very long night.
Brian continued his slow and methodical arousal of every inch of Justin's skin; to Justin it felt like days. Finally, when Brian didn’t know how much longer he could hold himself back, he pulled a condom out of his pocket, lowered his jeans and slipped it on.
Justin wanted to cry he was so grateful. Brian lifted Justin's legs onto his shoulders and felt Justin's body trembling uncontrollably. He pushed into him, just a tiny bit, just past the first ring of muscle. He was far enough back on the sofa that Justin could not push himself any further back no matter how he tried. Brian stayed like that for almost a full minute, feeling Justin's body tremble and try to pull him inside. He looked into Justin's eyes and slowly, agonizingly slowly entered Justin, inch by inch, watching the boys eyes darken even further with desire. Watching him lick his lips and when he was about to open them and beg Brian leaned in again for a kiss, this time pushing himself into Justin to the hilt. “You broke the rules.” He whispered again.
He raised his body again, and began to thrust in earnest, still ignoring Justin's leaking cock, moving his body to actually graze lightly but never quite hit his prostate, keeping Justin on the edge for as long as he could. Finally, he pushed in deeper, hitting the spot Justin had been waiting for, and after three thrusts Brian came.
He pulled out, and Justin whimpered again as he backed up, Justin's legs falling back onto the sofa.
He untied Justin's hands, and Justin's arms were around him as soon as they were free, his dick was still hard as he pushed Brian back against the sofa, straddling his denim clad lap, grinding against him, kissing him deeply. Brian felt the wetness on his face from the tears he’s wrung from Justin but apparently there were no hard feelings as Justin continued to kiss him.
Brian's hands moved to Justin's ass to instinctively pull him closer. Justin's mouth was everywhere as he kissed Brian's neck, and chest, ducking his head to concentrate on his nipples. Justin felt Brian's harden again and he lowered himself to the floor, unzipping Brian's fly he took him into his mouth in one deft move, He felt Brian harden in his mouth and as soon as Brian felt himself slide down his throat Justin gave three consecutive swallows, causing Brian to buck against Justin. He tangled his hands in the blonde locks that were caressing his abdomen, and watched as Justin's head bobbed up and down over his cock, his tongue running along the bottom and swirling around the head before he deep throated him again, using his throat, his tongue and now his fingers to bring Brian to orgasm.
When Brian came, he moaned Justin's name, and Justin almost came just from the sound of it.
Justin swallowed as Brian shot. And when he raised his head and climbed back up to kiss Brian he reached for his hand, moving it onto his own erection, which had been too long ignored.
Brian took his hand off of Justin's cock. “Uh uh uh,” he said in a slightly mocking tone. “You broke the rules.”
Justin's eyes widened, “Brian, you can’t, that’s not fair.”
Brian stood up, taking Justin’s hand, “Time for bed.”
”I’ll do it myself.”
Brian sat back and watched, as Justin wrapped his fist fully around his shaft. He smiled and then removed the artist’s hand. and took both of Justin's hands in his. "Not tonight. You broke the rules."
Justin had known there would be consequences but this was…" he tried to think of something to say, but there was very little blood going to his brain at the moment.
Brian laughed. "In the morning sonny-boy, I promise."
Justin pouted, unable to form a cohesive thought but unable to move much either. Brian leaned in and kissed him again, and pulled him off the couch walking backwards, leading the naked boy with both hands towards the bedroom.
Justin wanted to cry, and Brian could see the frustration in his eyes, but that was fine. The sleeping pill would kick in soon, and he'd crash, but until then, he needed to understand that there were consequences to breaking the rules.
When Justin finally lay in bed, his hand drifted towards his ignored erection, and Brian pulled him towards him. "You broke the rules."
Justin tried to snuggle close to Brian but all too soon Brian realized that what he really wanted was just to rub himself against his naked body. "Do I have to tie you to the bed?" he asked.
Justin pouted, and lay on his back, arms behind his head "I'll be good."
Brian leaned over and kissed his nose. "That's all I ask."
Soon Justin did fall asleep, his body returning to a relaxed state. And Brian just wanted to wake him with his mouth, feeling bad for denying Justin anything, but he gritted his teeth and tried to remind himself that this was for his own good.
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