Church | Hymns | Psalms | Testify
This site is not intended for those under 18 years of age.
The End Done Right
by Vamphile
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Brunch started of well, until Jennifer and Molly arrived. Everything seemed to get quiet. Hunter walked towards Molly taking her hand in his. Chatter started back up as the all moved to the dining room. Justin clenched his teeth and watched as the two sat next to each other.
He was cutting up fruit when Brian grabbed a full serving dish to put out. “Make them put their hands above the table.”
Brian smirked, “what is it you think they’re doing under there?”
”Same thing you used to do to me.”
“You never seemed to mind.”
Justin chopped louder.
“Don’t hurt yourself this is supposed to be fun remember?”
Justin flashed him a grin, it was fake, but it was a start. “Fun.”
The rest of brunch went relatively well. Small glances were aimed at the newest couple, and then back at Justin to see how he was handling it, but he kept himself in check. By the time they reached coffee and dessert conversation was back to regular topics, Blue and her recently winning another show, Brian and Justin’s progress on the home gym, Where Molly was thinking of applying for college.
It was well after three before the house was empty again, except for Lindsay and Gus. Michael and Ben had taken JR for a couple of days, Hunter and Molly had gone off together to see a movie, and the rest had disbursed to their own lives.
Lindsay sat back on the sofa in the den, and put in a Dora The Explorer Disc for Gus to watch, she was tired.
Justin felt no better about the situation, but he had brought his anger somewhat under control, hopefully Molly would choose a school well away from the little interloper and that would be that. He held on to that hope while he turned on the dishwasher and joined Lindsay and Brian in the den.
“Well that WAS fun.”
“Shut up, it was nice to see everyone.”
Lindsay smiled, “It went smoothly.”
“Yes, I didn’t kill him.”
“And we’re all very proud of you.” Brian said as he pulled Justin down almost on top of him.
The three of them sat in silence for a while, tired and relaxed, listening to the background noise of the Dora show as Gus slept on the rug in front of the TV.
“Should we move him to a bed?”
Lindsay looked up, “let him sleep, he’s fine there for now.”
“So, have you heard back from the college?”
Brian looked up “What College?”
“Oh, Allegheny Community College Needed a Director of their art program, I had an interview but I’m sure they’ll find someone more qualified.”
Brian nodded, “Capwill is the Dean there.”
“You know the dean of ACC?”
”They use us for their ads sometimes Brian shrugged, and I went to school with him.”
“Brian, no phone calls, I get the job or I don’t, on my own merits.”
“No phone calls.” Brian repeated.
When Gus woke up he seemed to have more energy than ever, and Lindsay took him outside to run around.
“Brian she meant it when she said no phone calls.”
“She didn’t say anything about emails, or lunch.”
“Brian.”
He smirked, “Relax, I’ll let Lindsay get the job on her own merits.”
The next week seemed to fly by for Justin; he had his creative force back. Yes, he was having a few more anxiety attacks then before, but he was still seeing his therapist twice a week, he made it to the appointments on his own, and was usually on time. He was working on something he thought might be brilliant and was totally focused on it.
Thursday Brian knocked on the door. “Here, I picked them up for you.”
“Thanks.” Justin took the bag with his medication in it; Brian drove by the pharmacy on the way home so he usually picked them up.
“Come on in.”
Brian was surprised; it had been a while since Justin had allowed him into the studio. It was a mess again, full ashtrays, empty water bottles, but, Brian noticed also, food wrappers. “We need to let Magdalena in here again.”
“Yeah when I’m done with that.” Justin gestured to a large canvas covered with a sheet.
“Still not ready for viewing?’
“Nope.”
Brian picked up the medicine bottled he’d handed to Justin and took them back towards the bathroom to replace the old ones.
“What the fuck?”
“What?”
”When did you stop taking these?”
“Justin shrugged, about a week ago, I’m doing well, I don’t need them anymore.”
He shrugged. “Take them okay.”
“I really am okay now, I’m not obsessing, I’m sleeping, I just don’t need to be drugged all the time to function.”
Brian nodded, hoping Justin was right. He walked out of the studio and went upstairs to change, when he came back to the den Justin was there.
“Don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad.”
“You’re something.”
“I’m something else.” Brian smirked.
“Seriously, I have been doing better without those things, you haven’t had to worry about me, I haven’t had to worry about myself, c’mon, this is a good thing. It’s over.”
Brian nodded. “That would be good.”
“You don’t think it’s over?”
”We’ll see.”
Justin gave him a bright smile, “you look tense.” He crawled next to Brian and began soothing his shoulders with gentle fingers. He kissed the top of Brian's head when he leaned it back.
“Here, sit on the floor, so I can work you over.” His eyebrows shot up but he complied, and allowed Justin's fingers to work their way down his shoulders and arms, along the muscles of his back, and eventually he found himself laying face down on the floor, the little blonde straddling his hips as he cracked his back for him and continued using his fingers and hands work through the tight knots of muscles.
It had all started innocently enough but when Justin's hands moved lower down his waist, slipping under the waistband of his already unbuttoned jeans he felt it become something else.
Justin worked Brian's muscles, feeling the tension leave them, wanting to show him that he was okay again, able to take care of Brian for a change, and just wanting the older man to relax. He worked diligently, as he did with everything, not stopping until he was sure he had done everything he possibly could. He felt the change in Brian's breathing as his hands slipped down below his waistband, and he felt himself harden when he noticed that Brian was, as usual, not wearing any underwear. He continued his massage, slowly, deliberately, not changing the rhythm or the pressure, simply moving lower until Brian spun underneath him and their eyes locked.
Brian waited for Justin to make a move, but he didn’t he continued to slowly massage his lower back, but the small grinding movements he was making against his ass were about more than a massage. Brian could be patient, but he had his limits, eventually he decided it was time to take what he wanted. He flipped over quickly, and their eyes met.
Justin smiled; licking his lips as Brian pulled his lower lip between his own teeth and released it in a gesture Justin was pretty sure would raise him from the grave just to kiss this man one more time. He leaned in and their mouths met. Brian's hands were on Justin's thighs, sliding up and kneading the round globes of his ass through the fabric of cargo pants he’d been wearing in the studio.
He ran his hand along the seam that followed the crack of Justin's ass and watched as the blonde’s eyes darkened with want, and smirked, as he seemed to be readying himself already. Justin's hands slid lower, unzipping Brian's jeans and pulling them down just a bit, his eyes now mesmerized by Brian's throbbing cock, he slid lower on Brian's body, mouth literally watering as he pushed his head down, taking the entire member down his throat in a swift movement that elicited a gasp from Brian who buried his hands in the blonde hair. Justin used every trick he knew, moving his head and his tongue, using his throat, and his mouth, sucking and licking. He released Brian from his mouth only to flatten his tongue along the base of the shaft and run it along the vein that ran there. The soft hot tongue, and the sight of Justin enjoying himself by giving such pleasure made Brian impossibly harder.
Justin started licking again, and in moments Brian was coming down Justin's throat, as he swallowed, the thick hot liquid sliding deliciously down his mouth. Only when Justin was sure that he had milked Brian dry, did he remove his mouth, sitting up with a very satisfied grin on his face.
“Well that relieved some tension.”
Justin laughed and leaned his body against Brian's, “Maybe yours, but now I’m all tense.”
His strong arms pulled the blonde closer as he rolled them over.
“Fuck me Brian, I want you to fuck me.”
Brian didn’t need to hear it to know what he wanted, but it didn’t make it less hot. He grabbed a condom out of his pocket, still not bothering to fully remove his jeans. As he pulled Justin's cargo pants off of him the feeling of his body wriggling to assist him heightened his arousal. He pulled Justin forward until he was in line with his ass and Justin's legs were wrapped around his back. Justin's mouth was open, his breathing shallow with need, his body jumped at the lightest touch and Brian pushed into him, showing no mercy, finding the sensitive bundle of nerves and pushing into it, swiping the head of his cock against it, never letting up.
Justin had lost all words, all he could feel was the bolts of electricity shooting from his center to his toes, to his fingertips, through his body with no respite, “So close, Brian, close”
Brian’s hands ran up his chest, pushing his paint stained t-shirt towards his neck and tweaked at his nipples and then slid his strong palms along the sides and up to Justin's shoulder blades, pulling him up, making his back arch more, his body take him deeper. “Come for me.” And Justin did, he came, his muscles tightening around Brian, pulling him as deep as he could go. Brian kept his rhythm, never stopping his assault on Justin's prostate until he could feel the quivering throughout his entire body. He released his hold and Justin fell back, and as he leaned over him he pushed again, and Justin's eyes shot open as a wicked look crossed Brian's face.
Brian started again, leaving the blonde no time to catch his breath. He continued to move inside him and Justin was sure that this time Brian would kill him with his insatiable appetite, this time his body would just disintegrate under the barrage of sensations but he felt himself harden again, felt his body respond, and met Brian's strokes, his hands pulling him closer, his dick loving the feel of Brian's body rubbing against it. He came again, and this time Brian came with him. Justin’s body jerked so hard, spasmed and clamped down on Brian so tightly it almost hurt, almost. Brian threw back his head and emitted a deep growl as his entire body shook with the force of his orgasm. And while watching Justin's body, writhe and twitch he couldn’t help but bump a few more times against the sweet spot, watching Justin's back arch, his fingers reach for something, anything, but finding only hardwood beneath him he lay his hands flat against the wood and used the leverage to raise his body closer to Brian's, his back arched so that only his shoulders were on the floor. He gasped, and moaned, and then finally Brian withdrew, and he collapsed, trembling.
Brian pulled his cigarettes and lighter off the coffee table as he lay beside Justin on the hardwood floor. The rug they had started on was askew and nowhere near them anymore. He inhaled deeply and offered the cigarette to Justin who tried to grab it but then simply flopped his hand back down deciding it was too much energy.
Laughing Brian held the cigarette up to Justin's lips, and let him inhale. He took another drag himself. Justin exhaled deeply, concentrating on getting his breathing back to normal.
The phone rang.
They both turned towards each other, mouths open each to command the other to get it. Instead they kissed. Eventually the phone stopped ringing. Then it rang, again. Then Brian's jeans began to ring and he cursed. He cursed louder when he saw who it was.
“Mommy’s dead.”
”Fuck when?”
”She… I just, She was home and now she’s gone. I found her.”
“Claire, calm the fuck down, where are you now?”
“I’m at her house, they took her away Brian.”
Brian rolled his eyes and sighed, “I’ll be there soon okay?”
“Brian,” she was sobbing.
“Did you call anyone else?”
She made a noise that Brian interpreted as a no.
“Okay call the minister, I’m sure he’ll come to keep you company and I’ll get there when I can.”
Claire made another sound that Brian chose to interpret as a yes and hung up the phone.
“Fuck?”
”What’s wrong?”
“My mother died.”
Justin was struck dumb; he had no idea what to say. “Brian, I’m…”
“Don’t even think about saying you’re sorry, I’ve got shit to do, Claire’s already falling apart and I’m gonna be stuck with this mess.”
“You know I’ll help.”
“Yeah, thanks, I’ve got to go, she’s sitting in the her house waiting for me.”
“Claire?”
“No, my dead mother.”
“Brian.”
He kissed Justin and sat up, looking for his shirt.
“I’m coming with you.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I’m coming with you.”
Brian nodded and together they gathered their clothes, and drove in to his mother’s house. By the time they got there Justin had used his time wisely and called all of their family to let them know, Michael was waiting at the door when Brian and Justin arrived.
“I figured you could use some help, you know, at least to handle Claire while you handle the other stuff.”
Brian kissed Michael on the mouth and let Mikey hug him
“Thanks.”
Michael nodded and Brian walked in, Michael and Justin flanking him on either side.
Claire was crying the good Reverend Butterfield holding her hand in the dimly lit room.
She stood up as soon as she saw Brian and clung to him.
Brian resisted the urge to push her off and run, he hated this woman, he hated his mother, he wasn’t even that fond of the good Reverend, but he stood expressionless, motionless and emotionless while Claire cried against him. Eventually he looked up to meet the concerned face of the minister. “What the fuck happened?”
“It seems your mother took a fall late last night, or early this morning. Claire came by to bring her to church for the Late Sunday Service and found her. She was gone when the EMT’s got here, apparently she’d been gone for some time, they think she may have had a heart attack, which caused the fall.
“Or she was too fucking drunk and fell down the goddamned stairs.”
“Brian!” both Claire and Michael berated. Brian rolled his eyes and Justin just put his hand on the small of Brian’s back, wanting to lend him comfort, but having no idea how at the moment.
“We’ll need to make arrangements.” The reverend said, I can hold the service as early as Tuesday, will you be having a wake?”
Brian pushed Claire off of him and steered her towards the reverend, who sat her down and continued to hold her hand, passing her a box of tissues.
“I don’t know.” Brian said
The reverend nodded, “Of course. It’s just that the hospital needs a signature to release the body, and you’ll need to find a funeral home, and…”
“I know what the fuck I’m doing.” Brian said, “I did this for my father already.”
The reverend nodded silently and Brian took the stairs two at a time to get away from the scene downstairs.
Michael stayed with Claire; Justin followed Brian and found him sitting on what must have been his parent’s bed.
“She’s got a plot, right next to dads, I’ve just got to find the name of the cemetery and the funeral home we used” He opened a drawer on the far side of the room. “She always kept the important papers here. Under her one good pair of earrings and her mothers watch.”
Justin sat silently while Brian riffled through the papers finding what he needed. He made a few terse phone calls and then continued to move as if in a daze, seemingly unaware of Justin’s presence, possibly talking to himself.
“Should dress her in a leather corset and fuck me pumps, just to piss her off.” He pushed dress after dress aside until he found something he seemed satisfied with. “This’ll do.”
He headed back downstairs.
“Martins will be picking her up, I’ve got to drop these off, he held up the suit and shoes, so that they can get her ready. We’ll have a wake Tuesday, figure on a church service and graveside burial on Wednesday.”
The Reverend nodded.
Brian leaned in and kissed Mikey again, You can get out of here now, Claire’s got a lot to do, and so do I, and I’m sure you’re needed at the store, thanks.”
Michael nodded; extricating his hand from Claire’s and both Justin and Michael followed Brian out.
By the time they got home Brian was silent, his face blank, and they both went to bed, neither saying much.
In the morning they headed towards the funeral home.
“Fuck, did I bring my checkbook?”
”Brian, I’m sure you can write them a check after it’s all….”
“No, they’re gonna want payment, dammit, check the glove compartment.”
Justin did, “yeah, you’ve got a check book in there.”
Brian lit a cigarette and the rest of the trip was interrupted only by the voice of the radio announcer.
When they got to the Martins Funeral Home Brian seemed to steel himself before entering, and Justin felt like he should be doing something, anything to help him but he didn’t know what, or how.
“I need to be stoned to do this.”
Justin held Brian's hand, “I’ll be here for you.”
Brian nodded, his face blank. A short man in a conservative suit came to greet them and take them back to a small wood paneled office.
Brian gave him the details he’d need to place the obituary, and agreed to times and discussed locations.
“Where will the wake be held?”
“The Church,”
The man nodded, and wrote down the address, “Now, we’ll need you to choose a casket”
Justin saw Brian flinch but just held his hand tighter. The man opened the door in the back of his office that led to a showroom, and Brian looked at the dozens of models laid out expensive sports cars. He walked slowly around them his face remaining blank. Justin stood back, watching him run his hands along the smooth tops of the grisly boxes and tried to read his expression, but Brian wouldn’t raise his eyes. Eventually he climbed into one and laid down.
“Brian, c’mon, I’m pretty sure they’re not supposed to be taken for a test drive.”
Brian frowned, “This one’s too short, promise me when you bury me I won’t have to lay with my knees bent for eternity.”
Justin took a sharp inhale of breath “I’m not promising anything, I’m not burying you, you’re not dying.”
“Justin, we all die.”
“Yeah well, not today, only one Kinney a day gets to die, so…out of the fucking coffin.”
Brian pulled the lid closed over himself and Justin panicked.
He’d had this image, this dream this fucking nightmare so many times, Brian dead, the final time they close the casket, and now he was standing here watching it. He started to hyperventilate.
“Brian! It’s not fucking funny.” He pulled the lid up and Brian was laughing.
Brian was laughing until he saw Justin's face. He pulled himself out of the box quickly and pulled Justin to him,
“It was a joke.”
“Well it wasn’t fucking funny”
“I’m not going anywhere”
“You fucking better not.”
“You okay?” he felt Justin nod against his chest and pull back a little, and the two of them continued to look around the showroom. “I wonder what the markup is on these?”
”Why? Are you gonna haggle with the guy?”
”No, I’m just saying there’s no way this thing costs like seven grand to make.”
“Yeah well, it’s not like you have to buy more than one.”
“Whatever, this one.” He pointed to a simple black box, white satin inside, silver hardware. Justin nodded, looks good to me.
The funeral director came back in, “have we made a decision?”
”That one.” Brian repeated, pointing to it.
“And would you like an embellishment?”
Brian stared at him.
“On the top, we can put an emblem, if she was a member of a union, or a dove or a cross.”
Brian smiled, “How bout a gay pride symbol?”
Justin hit him in the chest.
He turned his attention to the Funeral director, “A cross, she was religious”
The man nodded and went back to his office to finish the paperwork. “Brian you have to take this seriously?”
”Why?”
Justin was at a loss, he shrugged, “Suit yourself.”
They finished the paperwork and brought the suit and shoes for his mother in from the car. And they left.
Deb, Michael Ben and Lindsay were all at the house when they got back.
Brian walked past them all and went upstairs.
“How’s he holding up kiddo?”
”He’s fine I guess, I mean, he’s Brian, he’s just doing what he has to do.”
Debbie put a comforting arm on Justin's shoulder, “he does that, but he pretends to be a lot tougher than he is, you make sure he’s okay, got it?”
Justin nodded, “Oh and tell him not to worry about the wake, Emmet and I will handle the catering.” Justin nodded again and went upstairs to make sure Brian was okay.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“Debbie and Emmett are going to cater the wake.”
“Good.” Brian lit a joint and deeply inhaled, not even bothering to offer a hit to Justin. “I don’t fucking need this right now.”
Justin said nothing, hoping Brian might open up, express something other than aggravation but he wasn’t too hopeful. They’d been together six years, what Justin was really hoping for was that the fallout didn’t have too high of a body count.
The wake went as expected, flowers, Claire crying hysterically, Lasagna and a Deli Platter. Brian was half stoned and mostly drunk through the entire thing but managed to be morose and subdued, which was far better than belligerent and loud, so everyone was simply relieved that for the moment chaos had been averted.
Justin drove them back, Brian was in no state to drive, or talk apparently, he was lost in his own thoughts.
Brian glanced over at Justin and scared himself with how comforted he was that Justin was still there, still with him. He was an orphan, he’d wished for it for so long, wanted his parents, his past, gone. Wanted to be free of that house, and that family and now he had everything he wanted, his own company, an amazingly hot guy who never seemed to tire of him and his parents were both gone. His childhood was gone, behind him, and he was… Sad. He ran the emotion over in his head several times, trying to make it something else.
Anger made sense, joy made sense, relief made sense, sadness didn’t and no matter how many time he tired to turn it into something else, no matter how many times he told himself he was thinking about it wrong he couldn’t feel anything but loss. Fuck, he’d said goodbye to his mother years ago, probably before he’d written his father off. He may have hated the old man, hated Jack for hitting him, for not wanting him, for being the backslapping breeder he never wanted to be, but there was a part of him that understood Jack Kinney.
There was a part of Brian that knew that he was a lot like his father, that settling down, tying himself to a single person, trying to live up to what one person wanted, was beyond him. And while he’d hated his dad for the drinking and the hitting, he’d at least understood some of the reasoning behind it. What he never understood what Joan.
Why would you put up with that shit? He didn’t understand staying voluntarily with someone who hated you. He’d gotten the fuck out as soon as he could, and Joan had stayed. He’d offered her an out once, when he’d first had the money, told her she could go anywhere, he’d help, but she stayed. “I don’t believe in divorce.” She’d told him. But she believed in staying perpetually drunk. Staying unhappy and unloved with a man who hated her, hated his life, and his family. Brian hated his mother because he couldn’t respect her, couldn’t understand her, and she had never tried to understand him.
He knew, he knew that he’d never really tried, never given her a chance to understand him but even if she had, her church, if not her reverend, was clear on fags, and what an abomination they were. His mother loved Claire, because she’d done her duty, married an asshole, had snotty bratty little grandchildren for her, and that was more respectable than living an honest life. He took the vial out of his pocket and snorted. He needed to be far more fucked up than he was because his head was spinning and the funeral was tomorrow and he should be angry, and joyous and relieved and instead he was sad.
Justin glanced at Brian's blank expression as he drove them back to the house, he watched his fingers become whiter as his fists tightened, and he wanted to reach out, to touch him, to tell him it was okay, whatever he was feeling was okay, but he was not sure how Brian would take it. He wanted to lighten the mood, but he didn’t know how. He saw Brian take a snort and wondered what it was he was taking. He seemed far too calm for it to be coke, and Brian wasn’t a crystal fan. He watched carefully. He resigned himself to watching Brian carefully for the next few days.
His downward spiral, and Justin wasn’t new at this, that’s what this was gonna be, was gonna spin fast. Justin sat up a little straighter in the car, getting his head ready for his one and only job at this point, to make sure that wherever Brian spun off to, he came back, in one piece. That at the end of this they were both in once piece and still together.
With that in mind Justin pulled into the driveway and led Brian to the bedroom to let him release whatever pent up feelings he had in the way he did best. They didn’t talk, they said nothing, but their bodies communicated as they always did. Justin making it clear that he was here for Brian, and Brian making it clear that he needed to lose himself in the physical sensation. And when they’d both spoken their piece, without words, they crashed. Sleeping fitfully, but sleeping.
Send feedback to vamphile @ gmail.com