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The End Done Right
by Vamphile
Chapter Thirty-Six
After they woke up and showered Brian and Justin debated, room service or going out. They decided on room service and were half naked and breathless by the time the food arrived.
Brian pulled his jeans back up and let the guy in; Justin remained in bed, a sheet draped over him for privacy.
Once the guy left, Brian went back to what he was doing, but Justin had lost focus. He was reaching for a bagel.
“Brian, I’m hungry.”
“Me too.” Brian whispered as he licked at Justin’s inner thigh.
Justin moaned, and Brian looked up to see him licking cream cheese off of his fingers. He rolled onto his back, pretending to pout. “I was doing some of my best work, and all you can think about is a bagel.”
“You get mad at me when I don’t eat.”
“Yeah, but I get mad at you when you don’t let me blow you too.”
“But you can blow me later, by then the bagel will be cold.”
Brian sighed, “Hand me an orange, I can’t argue with logic like that on an empty stomach.”
Justin tossed the fruit to him, and continued to eat while making sounds that drove Brian insane. When Justin finally finished Brian pounced on him, licking the small remnant of cream cheese off of the corner of the blonde’s mouth.
“I missed you.”
“Yeah, I noticed.”
“Mmmmmm, that feels good.”
“You still hungry?”
Justin shook his head, “Want you now.”
Brian smiled and worked down Justin's neck, kissing each sensitive spot with studied patience.
“Brian, just fuck me.”
“Oh, I will, but you’re going to have to wait.”
Justin lay his head back, feeling Brian's mouth move down his body, while his hands were running up and down his back, making his pale torso arch into Brian’s mouth.
“Brian…”
“You’re gonna have to wait.” Brian repeated.
“You’re punishing me because I wanted a bagel?”
”Is this punishment really sooo bad?” Brian asked as he nipped at a sensitive spot on Justin's inner thigh.
“It is when I want you inside me.”
Brian moved even more slowly. “Open up for me Justin” he said quietly, as he pushed the pale thighs further apart. Justin followed Brian's directions, only to be disappointed when he felt the long lean body move further down on the bed. He moaned when Brian took his balls into his mouth, sucking and letting them fall out with a gentle scrape of his teeth. Justin hissed at the cool feeling against his wet sac, “Brian.”
“Patience sunshine.”
Justin was wet now, his cock dripping precum onto his stomach, his body spread open, his hips thrusting into nothing as Brian sat back on his haunches between Justin's knees, watching him writhe.
“I want you on your knees.”
Justin scrambled into position, ready for Brian, more than ready, desperate. But Brian continued to move slowly, and was determined to have Justin a quivering mass of need. “Spread yourself open for me.”
Justin wanted to protest; it was so… he dropped his face into the pillow as he moved his hands back to his ass, pulling his cheeks apart.
“God you’re hot like this. Open and ready. You are such a little slut sometimes.”
Justin moaned at the words. His face turned red at the image of himself so wantonly submissive.
“I want you to lube your ass for me.” Brian said, and smiled as he watched Justin’s hole pucker at the sound of his voice. Brian took a small dab of lube, removed one of Justin's hands from his ass and transferred it to the artist’s fingers. “Do it.”
Justin wanted to cry, but more than that he wanted Brian inside him. He moved his fingers, pushing them inside himself, riding his own hand, as he shoved a third finger inside. He almost forgot about Brian as he pumped back on his own hand until he heard Brian’s harsh command. “Stop it.”
He removed his hand quickly, and wiped his fingers off on the sheet.
“Open up again.”
Justin did as he was told, Brian moved closer, and Justin readied himself but he wasn’t going to get what he wanted quite yet.
He felt the hard lean body over his, he moved his hands, and Brian pulled them over his head, holding them both there, entwining their fingers. His hard cock was at the crack of Justin’s ass, but he refused to push it any further. Eventually he slid it down, sheathed and slicked with some of the lube Justin had applied and pushed into Justin’s balls. Justin moaned as he prodded lightly at them, and then slid his hard cock between Justin’s legs, rubbing it up against Justin’s equally hard shaft, simply sliding between his thighs.
Justin was whimpering now, he was trapped. The weight of Brian's body, and the enormity of his need held him down. He tried to angle himself, to move, to do anything that would result in being allowed to come but Brian stroked his cock slowly with his own. He’d do it a few times and then stop. Leaning in, whispering into Justin’s ear.
“You want me to fuck you don’t you? You want me to push into you hard, until I’m buried inside you, that’s what you like right?”
Justin tried to answer but could only nod.
“You want to be my little boy toy? You want me to fuck you so hard and so fast you can’t think, let you jerk yourself off while I’m pounding into you?”
”Please Brian, I need it, please.”
Brian loved to hear Justin’s husky pleadings, to hear his blatant desire. He loved how embarrassed Justin still got on occasion from his own need, his own actions.
“Are you my little boy slut?”
”Yes.”
“What should I do with a little slut like you?”
”Fuck me.”
“Like this?”
Brian pushed himself into Justin, and pulled completely back out quickly. “Do you want that again?”
”Yes, please.”
“Tell me.”
“I want you inside me, I want you to ride me.”
Brian pushed in again, slowly this time. Justin moaned and whimpered, trying to control the pace, but Brian was running this show.
“Ready?”
”Yes, god, Brian, fuck, Brian, fuck…”
Brian began in earnest, moving slowly at first, teasingly slowly, and then finally speeding up the pace while Justin lost all coherent thought.
Justin felt Brian finally stop playing and tried to think to speak, but he could only feel. “Fuck me, Brian fuck, god, fuck, Brian, god, fuck, harder, fuck.” There were very few words left in his vocabulary.
When he was about to come he reached his hand down to stroke himself, he tried to do it slowly, hoping Brian wouldn’t notice, was too far gone himself to care, but he heard the growl. “No.”
He felt his hand swatted away, and the hand that was pinching at his nipples and stroking his back was now trapping his hand above his head again. “Come while I’m fucking you or don’t come at all. Gonna fuck the come right out of you.” Brian said, pounding harder, changing his angle so that he was hitting Justin's prostate on every stroke.
The high-pitched yelps of pleasure Justin was making drove Brian over the edge. He slammed into the boy hard and felt him shoot. Brian came at the same time, his body convulsing over Justin's. He released Justin's hand to stroke his belly. His strong fingers coming away wet with Justin's seed. He held it to Justin’s face, and felt his pink tongue lap at it.
They stayed like that while their heart rates slowed and breathing returned to normal. Justin licking at Brian's fingers, taking them into his mouth and sucking them, Brian's body resting against Justin's. Justin still on his knees, his legs spread wide. Reluctantly Brian pulled out of him, taking off the condom and rolling onto his back.
Justin lay his body on top of Brian's. Pushing against his hard thighs with his own until Brian opened his legs a little and Justin fit himself between them, his head resting just below Brian's, a strong arm around his back, pulling him closer.
“That was amazing.”
“You’re fucking hot. Christ I can’t get enough of you.”
“I know.” Justin smiled against Brian’s chest.
“You’re pretty sure of yourself.”
“You’re addicted to me.”
Brian snorted. “Addicted?”
Justin looked up at him, “Yeah, I read all about it.”
“Really?” Brian lay his head back ready to be regaled with one of Justin’s little monologues. The kid got positively profound, or at least thought he did.
Justin moved up Brian's body a little, brushing the brown hair away from his sweaty forehead. “Yeah, when you fall in love with someone your brain lets out chemicals that are like a drug.”
“So love is just an addiction?”
“Kind of. The effects last like 18 months. It’s a breeder thing.”
“Breeder thing?”
“Yeah, if you live in like caves or whatever, you knock some cave woman up, and feel all protective and possessive of her long enough so that everyone knows who the father is and she’s safe like, through the pregnancy, and while the baby keeps her unable to protect herself. Then it wears off and they both move on.”
“So love really is bullshit.”
“No, but it’s a chemical reaction and like a biological imperative, the thing is, once it wears off, sometimes there are other reasons to stay together.”
“Like for the children?”
Justin pushed at Brian's shoulder “No, because you LIKE each other, and then you know, you can love them intellectually, not chemically.”
“Hmmm.”
”It explains why you try to break up with me once a year or so.”
Brian looked up surprised now. “What the fuck does breeder love have to do with you and me?”
“Brian it’s not just breeders who are affected by the chemicals. And then they wear off, and since you decided a long time ago that there’s no such thing as love, once the addiction is over, you ignore the intellectual part and push me away.”
“But you go.”
“Yeah, apparently I’m not immune to the stupid chemical addiction either.”
“But we’re together now.”
“Because, once the drug wears off we jones for it, and then you know, something happens, and we’re back together, and the cycle continues.”
“So, we’re doomed to break up every year or so?”
“NO!”
“Ouch.”
“Sorry, didn’t mean to hit you so hard. But I’m telling you this so you can stop being so stupid about it.”
“I’m stupid about it? You’re the one who always leaves.” Brian exhaled the smoke and handed the cigarette to Justin who took the opportunity to compose his thoughts a little further.
“Yeah, you’re stupid about it. So was I, but I’m not gonna be stupid anymore.”
“Me either.”
“Promise?”
“Sure, but what you said means we SHOULD break up. kick the habit so that it feels so good when you come back to it.”
“Fine, we’ll take separate vacations every other year. Two weeks away from each other.”
Brian put out his cigarette and wrapped his arms around Justin. “We can skip that part, I think I’ve lost my ability to become immune to you.”
Justin settled against Brian's chest. “I hope so.”
~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**
Three hours later they finally left the room. “I can’t believe you bought tickets for a show.”
“You said you wanted to see Wicked.”
“You said you didn’t.”
“Yeah, and we always do what I want.”
Justin stuck his tongue out at Brian. “ We’ve got a few hours before the show starts, where are we going?’
“Well, I was thinking about checking out the new spring line at Barney’s.”
Justin smiled widely. “Did you call Alphonse?”
Brian smirked, “Maybe.”
They spent the next several hours restocking their closets and picking out a few Christmas gifts for friends and family.
~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~
“I liked it.”
“It was alright.”
Justin smiled; Brian had liked the show too. And they had actually made it to the restaurant in time to honor their reservations, which, considering their activities in the theatre bathroom was quite a feat.
“You’re not eating.”
“Teaser show tomorrow.”
Brian closed his eyes.
“Don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad.”
“Brian, you KNOW I can’t eat this close to a show.”
“You’ve only put on half of the weight the doctor wanted you to.”
Justin sighed. “It’s been such a good day.”
“Yeah, why spoil it by making sure you’re healthy.”
Justin gritted his teeth, “I’m healthy. I’d tell you if I weren’t.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“So when does the cast come off?”
“Next week, by the time I come back here, I’ll be cast free.”
“That’s good, I miss your hand.”
“You’re changing the subject.”
“Yes, I am.”
“Fine, new topic. I called the contractors; they’re going to start the addition in March or April. They can’t start now, too much snow, too many delays.”
“And Lindsay’s not arguing?”
“She’ll argue more once I tell her, but you know… I don’t see the need to hear about it all winter long. She’s FINALLY stopped telling me to take the car back.”
“I can’t believe you bought her a car.”
“She needed one, and this one is safe.”
“Mmm hmmm, and what kind of car did you get?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Yes, I would.”
“You’ll see when you get home.”
“I promise I’m coming home. What kind of car did you get?”
“I’ll tell you, if you do something for me.”
“What’s that?”
“Fucking eat something.”
“Wow, you nag a lot.”
“Well, if I’m going to be accused of it anyway.”
“Fine, look, mmmmmm, pasta.”
“Astin Martin.”
Justin almost choked. “What?”
“I bought an Astin Martin, it’s blue, it has a back seat, and it’s hot. Trust me, plenty of space to fuck.”
“Brian, that’s, I mean, um…. wow.”
“It’s a hot car.”
“Well, it’s better than the ‘vette. And I liked the one you were looking at online.”
“Yeah, I know. But you’re not allowed to drive it. You’re too used to your big orange box.”
“I like my car.”
The waiter came and asked if they wanted dessert. Brian looked over at Justin and noticed that his eyes were barely open. “No we’ll just take the check.”
“Ready to head to bed sunshine?”
Justin smiled. “I’m tired.”
“I noticed.”
“I’m sorry.”
“What the fuck are you apologizing for?”
“ I know you wanted to fuck me.”
“Yeah well, you’ll owe me one.”
“Can I just deduct it from the 99 you owe me?”
“I owe you 99?”
“Yeah, from the nagging thing, with the accident.”
“Oh right, okay so now I owe you 98?”
“I’ll collect in the morning.”
They were walking towards the hotel. “All 98?”
“Yeah, so you better get some sleep too.”
They both laughed as Brian slung his arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer.
“Good thing I’m still an addict.”
Justin was half asleep on the bed within minutes of entering the room.
“Where are your meds, I’ll get them for you.”
“In my suitcase.”
Brian grumbled about little blonde twinks who don’t unpack while he searched through the suitcase.
Too late Justin realized what he’d just done. He sat up quickly.
Brian pushed aside socks and underwear. He found the zippered compartment and opened it to remove the bottles; he dropped them quickly when he saw what else was in there.
Justin was about to get up, stop Brian from searching, get the pills himself when he saw Brian recoil from the suitcase. “Fuck.”
“It’s not what you think.”
Brian sat on the bed, the offending item wrapped around his hand. “Since I have no idea what to think why don’t you tell me what it is.”
“It’s just, you know, something I’ve kept, like a security blanket.”
Brian closed his eyes and tried to fathom how a bloody silk scarf could bring any sense of security. “Security blanket.” He looked at Justin.
“I’ve had it since…”
“Since you took it off of me.”
Justin nodded.
“I looked for it the next day, it was gone.”
“I took it.”
“Why?”
“Because I knew you’d throw it out.”
“But you wanted to keep it? A warm reminder of a wonderful evening?”
Justin moved closer to Brian, no longer tired. He rested his head on Brian's shoulder, leaning against him. “All that time I was in the hospital, I kept expecting you to come see me.”
“But I didn’t.”
“I know, but I also knew what no one else seemed to understand. Hobbes hurt you too. Maybe as much as he hurt me.”
“I didn’t get hit with a bat.”
“No, but…”
“But…?”
“You came to the prom, something very unlike you. You were… open, maybe even ready to accept my love for you, and then Hobbes. It changed you, or kept you from changing. It affected you.”
“Doesn’t explain why you have this.” Brian held out the scarf, his face making his disgust for the object clear.
“When I found you again, you were so… broken.”
“I was fine.” Brian shrugged away from Justin, moving to the chair on the other side of the room.”
“You’re not allowed to use that word, and no you weren’t. But then, when my mom asked you to take me, you were so…strong.”
Brian was leaning back, drinking something from the mini-bar and smoking. He was staring at the ceiling, refusing to meet Justin's eyes.
“You were strong for me, but I knew you were still so broken. I didn’t think you’d ever be able to love me, or let me love you after that. And then…” Justin took a deep breath, knowing Brian was confused, and probably a little angry at being called broken.
“And then Gus’s birthday party. It all came flooding back. Your face at the dance. The way you held me. The way you kissed me. How amazing you looked. The panic in your face right before the bat hit.”
He saw Brian flinch. “And then I saw the scarf. You never stopped loving me. It’s how I knew we’d make it.”
“It wasn’t because I loved you.”
Justin stared at Brian, confused and a little hurt.
“I didn’t want to forget and let it happen again, let something I care about get destroyed. I wore it to remind myself what happens when you let yourself care.”
“Bullshit.”
Brian looked at Justin. “You don’t believe me?”
“No.”
He shrugged. “It was superstition. I didn’t let go of the scarf the whole time you were in the ICU when we didn’t know if you’d live or die. Then they said you were out of the woods. That you’d either wake up from the coma, or not, but that you wouldn’t die tonight. They made me go home.”
“They?”
“Michael, your mother, Debbie, Lindsay, everyone, told me to get some rest, sleep.” Brian made a sound, half scoff half laugh. “Sleep. Like that was gonna happen. So I got back to the loft, and I laid down, and I tried but I couldn’t let go of that fucking thing.” He gestured toward the pooling silk on the bed.
“I couldn’t let it go, if I did, something would happen. So I wore it, every day, to make sure nothing did.”
“The same reason you came every night.”
“I guess so. But it wasn’t love, it was guilt.”
“This wasn’t your fault.”
Brian nodded.
“You know, I’ve seen you nod at that statement a couple of hundred times over the years. Have you ever believed it?”
“Sure, not my fault, I can’t control what Chris Hobbes did.”
“And it wasn’t because we danced together. He hated me because I jerked him off. I personified everything he was afraid he’d become.”
Brian nodded again.
“And it had nothing to do with you.”
Brian nodded.
“Say that it wasn’t your fault.”
“I just did.”
“No, you nodded, accepting that I have a right to my own opinion. Tell me what you think happened.”
“I felt old and sorry for myself because New York didn’t want me, so I turned to the one thing I knew wanted me more than anything else in the world. I didn’t give a flying fuck what was good for you, what the consequences might be. I wanted you, went to you, and you got hit in the head with a bat.”
“You really think the whole world revolves around you.”
Brian stared at the ceiling.
“Brian, you can’t make this your fault. You came to me because I asked you to, and you wanted to make me happy. It made you happy too, and you didn’t want to admit that part. You still don’t sometimes. You say it was selfish. It’s all I wanted. It’s still all I want, for you to come to me at the end of the day. And you can tell me anything you want but this scarf is tangible proof that you didn’t forget about me while I was in the hospital. That while every trick in the backrooms of Babylon and at the baths got to suck you, get fucked by you, they never got to see you, or be loved by you. That was just for me.”
“That’s a very verbal scarf.”
“It has to be, it’s got a very taciturn owner.”
“It’s not mine anymore, I don’t want it.”
“I’ll get rid of it if you don’t want it here. But I like to have it when you’re not around, it reminds me of something important.”
“How is it we’ve lived together and I’ve never seen it?”
“I have lots of secret hiding places.”
“You can keep the scarf, but I don’t want to see it.”
“I don’t really need it anymore. I know that you love me now.”
“Then why is it here?”
“So I wouldn’t forget. We do that. We forget.”
“Keep the scarf, I don’t want you to forget. But promise me that’s what this is about. It’s not some sick obsession with Hobbes or the bashing?”
“It’s not. I’ve talked to Dr. Blackstone about that stuff, he says I’m very well adjusted considering.”
“Yeah well, you’re not running around with loaded guns anymore.”
“That was a part of the healing process.”
Brian sighed. “I’ll never understand you.”
“It’s enough that you try.”
Brian moved towards the bed, pulling Justin into an embrace.
“And Brian, promise me something?’
“What?”
“if I’m ever in the hospital again, you’ll come and see me during visiting hours?”
Brian pulled Justin a little tighter. “Don’t end up in the hospital again.”
“But if I do?”
“Visiting hours, I promise.”
“I’m not all that tired anymore.”
“Really?”
Justin was removing Brian's shirt. They moved together slowly, almost languidly, neither in any hurry to reach the destination tonight was about the journey.
When Brian rolled over Justin quickly tossed the scarf off of the bed. He’d have to remember to get up early to pack it away again. He didn’t want to get rid of it, but he understood why Brian might not have the same feelings about the silk accessory.
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